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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24975544">nothing's gonna hurt you baby</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xdarksistahx/pseuds/xdarksistahx'>xdarksistahx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire &amp; Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Flashbacks, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Minor Catelyn Tully Stark/Ned Stark, Recreational Drug Use, Reunions, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance, This fic is not for Catelyn stans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:08:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,494</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24975544</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xdarksistahx/pseuds/xdarksistahx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After spending six years away from King's Landing as punishment for daring to make her own decisions, Lyanna Stark returns to a son who thinks she's his aunt, an unwanted fiance, and a sister-in-law that rubs her the wrong way. On top of that, she has to face the boy, now man, that she left hanging without a word or explanation. She also has to tell him that they have a son together. Yeah, this is sure to be one hell of a family reunion.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lyanna Stark/Rhaegar Targaryen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>242</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. we were like gods</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Present Day</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>King’s Landing, home of the Red Keep, one of the country’s remaining historical landmarks, and home of the Seven Families, is a stinking shit pile of a city.</p><p>But Lyanna can’t deny that she misses the place. After six years, she’ll finally be returning home.  </p><p>While she waits for her flight to begin boarding, she spares one last look at the village that’s served as her prison for all these years. Well, technically this isn’t Winterfell since the place is too damn small for an airport, but she knows it lies just over the mountains.</p><p>Winterfell is a place untouched by time. The people still get their water from wells, some homes only have outhouses, and food, heat, and comfort are all provided by a fireplace. The cell phone reception is shit and she hasn’t seen a functioning television in so long that she’s begun to wonder if technology was just something she’d dreamed about. </p><p>Her father sent her here when she was seventeen to punish her for daring to live her life how she wanted. They claimed it was to help save her from ruining her life and her reputation as if they hadn’t tried to control every aspect of her life since she was born, giving her a reason to act out the way that she had. </p><p>Lyanna balls her fist up as old memories resurface. No matter how much time has passed she’s still bitter as hell. There’s nothing nearby for her to punch so she does the breathing exercises she was taught to combat her anger. </p><p><em>Breathe in, breathe out. Find your inner peace and all that</em>, she thinks to herself. </p><p>Apparently, she has anger issues. </p><p>Wow, she wonders why. </p><p>On the loudspeaker, her flight is announced with instructions for boarding. The airport is so small and hardly used that she doesn’t have to wait long to be seated. Once she is, she puts her earphones in. She doesn’t have anything to play music with, the earphones are to keep out the noises of the few other passengers that’ll be joining her on this eight-hour flight. </p><p>She brought a few books along and a crossword puzzle just in case she doesn’t manage to sleep the entire flight as she planned. After the flight attendants do their cute little safety presentation, she tries to get comfortable. </p><p>She can’t get comfortable for shit. </p><p>Irritated, she looks at the little seat cubby in front of her where she placed her crossword puzzle book. When she pulls it out, she also pulls out the magazine that she didn’t pay any attention to beforehand. One look at the man on the cover has knots forming in her stomach and her palms sweating. </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>King’s Landing Very Own Prince is Now a King: Rhaegar Targaryen ascends to his father’s throne...</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>Rhaegar looks the same yet so different. He's older now, obviously, but it shows in his strong jawline and broader frame. His hair is shorter to fit the “professional” look and he no longer looks like an indie rock singer. It would appear the years have been hard on him as well if the deadened look in his eyes is anything to go by. </p><p>Still, he’s beautiful. </p><p>If she wanted, she could blame Rhaegar for having her freedom taken from her. She could blame him for missing out on a normal high school graduation surrounded by her friends and missing the chance to attend her dream university. </p><p>She supposes she could blame him for a lot of things though that wouldn’t make it right. She was the one who played with fire and found a sick delight in being burned. She was the one who sat on his dick and said to hell with a condom. </p><p>Lyanna has to admit that she did that quite often which is why she doesn’t know why she was so surprised when her cycle was late and every pregnancy test Elia had secretly bought her from the drug store came back positive. She was young and dumb but so in love so she didn’t care. </p><p>For a time, she and Rhaegar blissfully existed in their own bubble. But, in truth, they were just using one another. </p><p>They were each other’s escapes from their demanding lives, and at the time it didn’t seem like a bad thing because they were happy, but in retrospect perhaps their dual codependency was what contributed to their downfall.  In the end, they got too careless- too cocky, and it all caught up to them in the worst way.</p><p>Still...</p><p>Gods, what a time, she thinks, smiling to herself despite the twisting pain in her chest. </p><p>Lyanna and Elia were just entering their senior year of high school and Rhaegar and Arthur were preparing for their first year at university. Their paths were never meant to cross, truthfully. </p><p>They belonged to different worlds even though they each came from wealthy families and were a part of the same social circles, Rhaegar and Arthur were different. </p><p>Everyone knew it which was why most of the families didn’t get too chummy with them unless they wanted something done that nobody else could know about. Only the Martells, Elia’s family, and the Tyrells and Lannisters weren’t opposed to mingling with the Targaryens. </p><p>For Lyanna, the very thought of it was forbidden by her family. The Starks, at least her father, prefer to keep their heads down and abide by the law set in place. </p><p>She always found that dreadfully boring. </p><p>As a girl, every time the Targryens were mentioned it was accompanied by a warning by her father to stay far away. Of course, once she was older, Lyanna loved nothing more than getting up close and personal with things she was supposed to stay away from. </p><p>As the plane carries her home, Lyanna thinks about the first time she met Rhaegar Targaryen. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>
    <strong>In the past</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>It was at a party. </p><p>Wasn’t that how all these kinds of stories started? At a party in someone’s parents’ house while they were away on a vacation or business trip. Unlimited alcohol and drugs for underaged kids without any sense of responsibility or consequence, a pool, because there’s always a pool, and topless girls already coked-up, swimming around without a care. </p><p>Elia dragged Lyanna out of the house. </p><p>Not because Lyanna considered herself too good for mindless teenage parties or because Lyanna was typically shrewd. It was because Lyanna had a big competition that same day and was completely wiped. She only wanted to lay around the house stuffing her face and watching horror films, but her best friend was in desperate need of a wing woman. And Lyanna never minded doing favors for Elia considering the girl always had her back and covered for her whenever Lyanna skipped classes without question; Lyanna just really hated sitting around in a classroom for hours while a snooty teacher went on and on about a topic she didn’t find interesting. </p><p>Once Lyanna heard who the party was for, she was all the more eager to tag along. </p><p>It wasn’t often that King Landing’s very own Prince threw a house party. In fact, it was the first and only house party that Rhaegar had ever hosted.</p><p>Everyone from their school, people from other schools in the city, and people from schools in neighboring cities, and even college kids were doing whatever they could to make sure they didn’t miss that biblical moment. She wanted to go out of curiosity. Rhaegar, like his family, was one of those things she was meant to stay away from so naturally, she wanted to do the opposite. </p><p>Since Elia was related to Rhaegar by marriage; very far down the line, she wasn’t going out of curiosity. She was going because she had a major crush on Arthur Dayne, Rhaegar’s best friend. </p><p>As expected, the party turnout was massive, and even though there were nearly a thousand people there, the Targaryen estate was more than enough to accommodate them all. It wasn’t until after the party that Lyanna later learned that wasn’t even the real estate, but the vacation home, Summerhall, that was supposedly half of what the true manse was. </p><p>Lyanna never got the chance to see that for herself, though. </p><p>By the time they made it there, the party was well underway wit enough partygoers already drunk on their asses and rowdy. It took them what felt like years to find Arthur. </p><p>Arthur Dayne was a legend at their high school even though he never attended. He and Rhaegar attended a separate academy where mostly foreign exchange students attended. Yet their reputations preceded them all around the city. </p><p>Arthur was a beast on the lacrosse field, an inexorable force of sheer will and brutality. It was rumored that he was a regular at an underground boxing den as well as its reigning champion. There was also a rumor tying him to drug dealing and extortion, but those rumors never stuck. </p><p>As for Rhaegar, he had the same legend status but simply because he was so damn mysterious. No one, absolutely no one, aside from Arthur, of course, knew a thing about him; outside of family, of course. Not his favorite food, color, coffee order, or even what fashion brand he preferred. There were no articles about him. Meanwhile, his father, Aerys, was featured in articles constantly. The man was said to be an egomaniac with a sharp tongue and a short temper. </p><p>Rhaegar was an enigma and everyone wanted to get close to him for that reason. </p><p>When they found Arthur he was in the middle of an arm-wrestling match with a muscle head on their academy's powerlifting team. </p><p>The powerlifter looked as if he was going to pop a blood vessel while Arthur looked as though he were watching paint dry. Two college girls - their letterman jackets gave them away - were flanking him and cooing in his ear. He hadn’t touched foot on a university campus yet but was already popular with the ladies, and the guys if rumors ever meant a thing. </p><p>After beating the powerlifter, Arthur locked eyes with Elia, and the two college girls were shed like skin. He slipped away from them, ignoring their pleads for him to come back, and walked right up to Elia and lifted her into a big, bear hug. </p><p>The thing was, Arthur was pretty into Elia, too. </p><p>He was drunk which explained the out of character, open excitement at seeing her so he carried Elia off, the girl laughing and apologizing to Lyanna with a promise to be right back. </p><p>Lyanna knew better. They were definitely going to go makeout and profess their love for one another or whatever. She found herself a keg, fixed a cup of beer, and looked for a place to sit and observe. People-watching was entertaining, what could she say. </p><p>Aside from the intoxicated antics, a lot of people were interested in Rhaegar’s whereabouts. </p><p>“Have you seen him?” one person asked.  </p><p>Another person shook their head. “Not once. Arthur’s here, though. Don’t they say that they’re attached at the hip?” </p><p>Every part of the mansion she migrated to, Lyanna would overhear a conversation centered on the absence of Rhaegar. People were beginning to think the man wasn’t there at all, and Lyanna was one of them. She thought it’d be hilarious for everyone to pile in cars and drive all the way out to the countryside to get a peek at someone who was never there, to begin with. </p><p>She was enjoying being the discarded third-wheel for a bit until people started to do what drunk and high people do.</p><p>Fuck, puke, and be downright disgusting. </p><p>There wasn’t a corner that she could stick herself in so she ventured up to the third floor where there were less rowdy people but more horny people. She was debating going out to the gazebo she saw through the patio earlier when she was shoved into a room by a couple who were eagerly trying to eat each others’ faces on their way to a vacant bedroom. </p><p>Lyanna spared a quick glance inside the room, finding it empty and quiet. Considering herself lucky, she hurriedly closed the door behind her and locked it. When Elia was ready to leave, she would just text her. She didn’t mind waiting around until then. The mansion wasn’t as gaudy as most mansions were, and there was something comforting about the place. </p><p>Especially the room she was in now. It had the most Valyrian touch, with a vaulted, high mosaic ceiling, plush, carpeted floors, and floor pillows scattered about. There was a record player and a large display of vinyl records. She didn’t want to touch anything and mistakenly fuck up something so she kept her hands to herself. </p><p>Instead, she found a large pillow and laid down on it. The ceiling was so pretty and if she stared hard enough she could make out a dragon's outline. Blinking, she turned her head to the right out of instinct, and when she looked she saw him. </p><p>Behind the wall, hidden away in a cozy, reading cove was none other than Rhaegar Targaryen. </p><p>He was holding a guitar, his fingers resting on the neck, while his other hand brought a joint up to his lips. While they watched one another, he took a puff. His hair was long, a little past his shoulders and parted down the middle, framing his handsome face. </p><p>Lyanna had already known that he was attractive, but being that close to the real thing was a different experience. She found herself lost in his indigo eyes until he spoke, his tone like iron, and snapped her out of her trance. </p><p>“If you’re waiting on your boyfriend, I must regretfully inform you that this room is off-limits,” he said, taking another hit of the joint. Even the way he smoked weed was fucking elegant. </p><p>It made her smile for some reason. She always imagined him to be an uptight prep, but so far he was her kind of person. </p><p>“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she said, laughing at the calm disbelief on his face. “I’m not saying that because I want to ditch him for you or anything. I’m only here by happenstance. If you want me to leave, I will.” She rolled over to her side, resting her head weight on her hand, giving what she believed to be a charming smile. “But I’d really like to stay because everywhere else is occupied. I promise not to disturb you.” </p><p>“I doubt you could disturb me any more than they have.” Rhaegar tilted his head, his full lips pursed. “What’s your name?” </p><p>“What’s yours?” she asked just to be difficult. She never expected him to ask that or even care to know. His interest excited her as much as it unnerved her. </p><p>Rhaegar smiled a little then, the corner of his lip tilting faintly. “Daemon,” he said. </p><p>Liar, she wanted to say but decided instead to play along. </p><p>“Nice to meet you, Daemon. My name is Helen.” </p><p>“Like Helen of Troy?” </p><p>“Like the woman beautiful enough to get a war started? No.” She laughed at the very notion because back then she saw herself as pretty average. Long, brunette hair, grey, stormy eyes, and bushy eyebrows. All legs, slight curves that might as well have been non-existent, and a slouch despite the hours of etiquette classes and the posture training she’d picked up before she ditched ballet. </p><p>Rhaegar didn’t laugh. “I think the name is fitting.” He took another hit of his joint, it smelled sweet like berries. “Where are my manners?” he asked, offering her the joint. “I assure you I’m clean.” He smiled. </p><p>“Can’t say the same for me.” She was always so damn playful. “I had quite the adventure in the bathroom before stumbling here.” She was a bloody virgin and found the idea of sex repulsive; seeing her older brother Brandon sneak girls into the pool house and hearing their activities left her scarred. </p><p>“Is that so?” Rhaegar asked. It was obvious that he didn’t believe her but he silently withdrew his joint as though he’d had second thoughts. Perhaps he was shocked by how easily he gave the offer, to begin with. “So, Helen, I can see you’re enjoying my birthday party more than I am.” </p><p>“Today’s your birthday?” She didn’t even consider what the special occasion was. “Happy Birthday though you don’t seem too happy.” </p><p>That meant he was nineteen now. She would be eighteen in three months. </p><p>“Arthur would say that that’s just how I am.” </p><p>“Damn, it’s like it’s actually his birthday. He’s definitely having fun.” </p><p>As an afterthought, it crossed her mind to ease up on the swearing around him. Didn’t guys prefer girls who didn’t swear? Also, why didn’t she reapply any chapstick earlier? She was certain her lips were dry and her hair was slipping out of her braid too much, and her skin was oily, and that she looked like she was fresh off the fencing mat despite the time it took for her to not look like that. </p><p>Then she wondered why in the hell was she so self-conscious all of a sudden. </p><p>It was because she had those eyes on her.</p><p>Those eyes that made her feel as if they were in on a secret that only they were privy to. A secret about her that she’d never know about no matter how much she dug and pried. </p><p>“I never knew there was a Helen on the Kingsguard Fencing team,” Rhaegar said, strumming his guitar idly. It was as if he was attached to the instrument. “I like to follow the sport closely so I’m certain I would’ve noticed.” </p><p>The competition today was broadcasted on live television, and Lyanna was recognized several times for bringing her team another victory. Of course, Rhaegar knew who she was if he truly followed the sport closely. </p><p>But he never called her by her real name that night, allowing her to keep up with the game. </p><p>“Perhaps you’re not as up on current fencing news like you think,” she said coolly. Years of talking her way out of trouble and being the bane of her brothers’ existence taught her how to handle even a pretty boy like Rhaeger. Even if she was already interested in him, she wasn’t going to let him know that. “Are you going to play or are you just the type who carries a guitar around so women will think you’re neat?” </p><p>“Who said I’m interested in impressing women?” </p><p>“Quite frankly, I’m not interested in who you’re interested in impressing. I just want to hear something other than white kids trying to rap.” </p><p>Rhaegar actually chuckled at that. “The DJ for tonight stopped trying once everyone got drunk. He’s played the same song five times already and I doubt many people are sober enough to notice.” </p><p>“I definitely noticed.” </p><p>“What do you want to hear?” Rhaegar asked, putting the last of the joint out in an ashtray. He licked his lips, and she followed the movement of his tongue like a cat watching a feather teaser. “I’m open to requests.” </p><p>“Can you play anything?” </p><p>“Anything that can be played on a guitar.”  </p><p>Excited, Lyanna sat up on the pillow, crossing her legs. “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” She wasn’t as prepared as she seemed so her first choice was generic. </p><p>Yet it was still a classic that Rhaegar played flawlessly. From the first thrum of the guitar, she was enthralled by his skill. No matter what song she requested, he could play it as though he were the first to ever imagine it. While he played <em>Roxanne by The Police</em>, he sang the lyrics under his breath, and from what she heard she could tell that he could also sing. </p><p>“I never knew you were a musical genius,” she said once he was done. “Well, I don’t know anything about you.” </p><p>“You know more than most. You know my birthday, my love for fencing, and my skill with a guitar.” </p><p>“I also know that you can sing.” </p><p>Rhaegar had the gall to look bashful then. “Hardly. Just enough to help me keep the rhythm.” He sat his guitar aside and stood. He was much taller than she thought and lean. “Would you like some water?” </p><p>Lyanna feared he was going to leave the room. She didn’t want that for some reason. “Careful. It’s a war zone out there.” </p><p>“That’s why I’m prepared.” Rhaegar walked to the other reading cove in the room to a mini-fridge that she hadn’t noticed. He popped it open and took out two bottles of water. “Would you believe me if I told you this party wasn’t my idea?” </p><p>“You definitely don’t strike me for the introverted type,” she said, teasing. She took the water from him gratefully. </p><p>When he sat down in front of her, her heart sped up. This close she could smell his cologne that even the marijuana couldn’t overpower. That was because it was expensive. </p><p>“Neither do you.” He took a sip of water, his Adam’s apple bobbing in a way that shouldn’t have been appealing. Lowering the bottle, he smirked, his lips damp from the liquid. “You must have been a dull time if that person left you after your adventure in the bathroom.” </p><p>Lyanna flipped him off, not caring if it was unladylike or not. “He passed out because I was so good.” She wanted to cringe at how desperate she sounded to please. </p><p>“How old are you?” </p><p>“Eighteen,” she lied.</p><p>Rhaegar took another sip of water, regarding her with amusement in his eyes. “Then I suppose I can’t ask you to show me then.” He knew she was lying. </p><p>“Why not? Too young for you?” There was a rumor going around about him having an affair with a married woman who was in her early thirties. Actually, there were a lot of stories surrounding him and older women. </p><p>The rumors had to hold some sway because the humor left Rhaegar’s eyes. “Yes, you are too young actually.” He wasn’t necessarily talking about her age, either. “How many more lies do you intend to tell tonight, <em>Helen</em>?” </p><p>Lyanna shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s so much fun. I may keep it up.” </p><p>“It must be difficult growing up with strict parents. You’ll do anything for a thrill. Like lie for the hell of it.”</p><p>“You sound hurt.” </p><p>“I am.” </p><p>He didn’t sound hurt at all. He liked to tease just as much as she did. </p><p>“Too bad,” Lyanna said, smiling. To further show that she didn’t care, she took out her phone and pretended to be wrapped up in it. Elia hadn’t texted her yet but her brother Brandon did to let her know he was at the party. Damn, she didn’t need him stumbling in this room while they were in here alone. “Are you going to stay here hiding all night?” </p><p>“That’s the plan.” </p><p>Lyanna remembered that she locked the door so she didn’t have to worry about her older brother walking in on them, not as if she was planning to do anything scandalous. They were just talking, and from what she could tell Rhaegar wasn’t really interested in her like that. She assumed that eventually, he would find an excuse to get closer to her or touch her but that moment never came. </p><p>He remained seated across from her and the conversation never surpassed light teasing and introductory-level prodding. </p><p>Rhaegar was going to one of the top schools in the country just to study business and it was obvious that wasn’t what he was interested in though he knew he had to take over his family someday. Lyanna told him that even though she wanted to fence professionally that she knew she would end up married to some businessman all for the sake of her family’s constant business expansion. </p><p>They were two people bound to their fates no matter how desperately they wanted to be free. How was she supposed to not fall for him and vice versa? </p><p>After hours of talking to Rhaegar, Elia finally texted. </p><p>She and Rhaegar were in the middle of a random conversation about Astrology when she told him that her friend said Arthur was passed out drunk and that she was worried about him. </p><p>“You’re here with Elia Martell then?” Rhaegar asked as they walked out of the room. People were too drunk to even notice the guest of honor was walking among them. To this day, people still don’t believe Rhaegar was even at the party. “Helen, you seem to be quite popular.” </p><p>“You’re one to talk, Daemon. All these people are here for you, you know.” </p><p>He chuckled. </p><p>They found Elia and Arthur on the same floor. </p><p>While Rhaegar urged his friend to drink some water, Elia looked at her with a curious expression, wondering why they’d both arrived together. But Elia knew better to wait until she began her interrogation. </p><p>After ensuring Arthur was fine, they prepared to leave. Before they left, Rhaegar pulled her to the side. </p><p>“Thanks for spending my birthday with me, Helen,” he said, his look contemplative. “We should stay in touch.” He took his phone out of his pocket and handed it to her. </p><p>Lyanna seriously had a “by the gods, this is really happening!” moment inwardly because she honestly thought she would leave empty-handed. She quickly keyed her number in, and when it was time to put her name in she chose her real one. </p><p>“There you go,” she said, handing him back the phone. “Now don’t go blowing up my line. I’m a busy woman.” </p><p>Rhaegar looked at the name she entered, a slow smile spreading on his pretty face. “I’ll try not to.” </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Present Day</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>“Lya!” her brother, Benjen, shouts once he sees her exit the gate. He tucks the sign with her name on it under one arm and runs towards her. “Seven hells!” He grips her in a tight hug. </p><p>The moment she’s in her brother’s arms, Lyanna’s eyes begin to prick with tears.</p><p>It’s been six years without this warmth. She’s missed him so much that it physically pains her thinking about the time she spent away. Closing her eyes, she cherishes the moment for as long as she can because once she gets home there’s no telling what will be waiting for her. </p><p>Her father made it clear when she left for Winterfall that once she returned she would have to uphold the marriage contract they arranged before her departure, and do her duty. There was also the fact that she has a son that doesn’t even know her. </p><p>Lyanna trembles in Benjen’s arms, every word she tries to form dies before it can leave her throat. She doesn’t even know how to face her son, how to interact with him. She doesn’t even know if she’ll be allowed to see him. </p><p>In order to keep her “shameful act” a secret, her son was given to her second eldest brother, Ned, to be passed off as his illegitimate child. Because it’s perfectly fine for her brother to be unfaithful but she has to be exiled and shunned because she fell in love. </p><p>“There, there, Lya,” Benjen says as he rubs her back. “You’re home now.” </p><p>“Is...that a good thing?” she asks, genuinely curious because it doesn’t feel like one. </p><p>“Everyone’s waiting for you at the house.” </p><p>“Everyone?” She pulls away so that she can see his face. “Even Jon?” she asks, hopeful yet also terrified. </p><p>Benjen shakes his head. “Ned wants to ease him into it. The boy thinks Ned is his father. Being told who you are would just confuse him. He thinks you’re his aunt.” </p><p>Lyanna fights back more tears. “Damn you. Damn you all. That’s not right and you all know it.” She moves away from him, looking around the airport frantically. She can’t be here. She can’t do this. She’s not ready. “I should’ve never come back...” </p><p>“Lya,” Benjen says, taking her by the hands, “look at me.” She takes a while but she looks at him. “Haven’t I always had your back?” he asks, his face serious. </p><p>Yes, he has. When she was sneaking off to see Rhaegar, Benjen covered for her. He even fought for her right to be with Rhaegar but of course, he lost. It was just them against everyone else. </p><p>Benjen continues, “I won’t let what happened six years ago happen again. Now, let’s hurry up and get there. They already think I’m trying to help you flee the country.” He chuckles but she knows there’s truth in his words.</p><p>Lyanna bets they didn’t even want him to be the one to pick her up. </p><p>How long and hard did he have to fight in order to be granted permission? Her baby brother has gotten braver, and broader over the years. She imagines that now he could give Brandon a run for his money especially since Brandon has had two stints in rehab and has enough baby mothers to keep him good and occupied enough to sway him from interfering in their affairs as he used to in his prime. </p><p>Outside of the airport, a limousine is waiting for them. She almost forgot that her family is loaded and she's an heiress, not a milkmaid. She slides into the limo first, glancing around the car awkwardly. There's an air conditioner blowing on her face. It’s heavenly. Everything she’s taken for granted means the world to her now. </p><p>Benjen hands her a new phone. It’s sleek and thin. “Elia has been up my ass all week,” he says, chuckling. “Please let her know you made it.” </p><p>Lyanna smiles. </p><p>Gods, she’s missed that woman. They spoke by payphone from time to time and Elia even used to send her postcards and pen pal letters for her birthdays and holidays but for a time that kind of dwindled down. She never took it personally, though. Like her, Elia was always destined to serve her family once she was old enough so Lyanna assumed she was busy with that. </p><p>“If I call her now she’ll want to see me immediately,” Lyanna says, and as much as she wants to see Elia, she needs to get through this family reunion first. “But I’m too anxious. Is there anything to drink here? Alcohol, preferably.” </p><p>“Unfortunately not.” </p><p>Lyanna wants to open the door of the limo and throw herself into oncoming traffic. Then she feels a nudge on her arm. She looks over at Benjen. He’s smiling while extending her a tightly rolled joint. Her savior. </p><p>“But I came prepared,” he says, handing it over along with a lighter. </p><p>This is why he’s her favorite brother. </p><p>Lyanna isn’t really much of a smoker but she grew to appreciate cannabis and its calming properties from a certain someone.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>
    <strong>In the past</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“He wants to see me,” Lyanna told Elia one day after practice. They were the only ones left in the locker room because they always liked to linger around for a bit after showering. “We’ve been texting and talking on the phone for two months and he’s never asked to see me…” </p><p>Elia clasps her bra and twists it around so that she can slip her arms through the straps. Turning away from her locker, she looks at Lyanna with an expectant look. “And? He’s obviously ready to take things to the next level,” she says as though she were some experienced sage and not also a fumbling virgin. </p><p>According to Elia, Arthur was quite the gentleman despite his bad-boy reputation. She even went so far as to call him chivalrous. </p><p>“He’s truly a knight,” Elia had said after talking about the few times she spent alone with Arthur at his place. “Seriously, it’s kind of aggravating. I want to know why people call him the Sword of the Morning already.” </p><p>Well, it was because Arthur had a big dick apparently. </p><p>Lyanna continued to towel dry her hair. “We never even talk about...that…” </p><p>“Not once?” </p><p>“Nope. We tease a lot but we’ve never talked about it directly. Maybe Arthur and Rhaegar are too busy fucking each other to care about us,” she said, partially joking. </p><p>“Maybe we should start fucking each other to get back at them,” Elia said, walking toward Lyanna. When she was in front of her, she rolled her hips in a silly way. “I can’t play the guitar but I’m not too bad of a singer!” </p><p>Laughing, Lyanna shoved her away playfully. “Sorry, I’m no knight and I damn sure won’t be holding doors open for you! You’re better off with Arthur!” </p><p>“Aren’t you the one who’s always beating up bullies? Knights defend the weak, don’t they?” </p><p>Bullying bullies provides her with a healthy dose of serotonin. It has nothing to do with saving the weaker. She definitely didn’t get all warm and fuzzy whenever people brought her baked goods after she saved them from a nasty bully. </p><p>Lyanna returned to a more pressing matter. “Rhaegar wants to see me tonight. He’s filling in for a friend's band. I think he wants me there for moral support.” Not that he needs it. </p><p>“Then we’re going,” Elia says. She puts on a shirt, pulling her long, dark hair out, allowing it to fall down her back. “You should support your boyfriend.” </p><p>“He’s not my boyfriend. We’re just...friends…” </p><p>They did fall asleep on the phone together often because neither wanted to hang up, talked for hours about the most mundane things but never got bored, and whenever either of them had a bad day the other would try to make it better. They may not have been a couple but they were definitely working toward a deep relationship. </p><p>Lyanna had no idea that that night would be the night they went from having an uncertain title to putting the events that would forever change their lives into motion. </p><p>She wasn’t surprised when Rhaegar managed to fill in for the sick band member with ease. It was a decent concert for an up-and-coming band with a small following, and she admittedly liked a few of the songs. Arthur was there as well so once the concert was over he and Elia found a place to run off to. She and Rhaegar did the same. </p><p>“What did you think of the show?” he asked her as they climbed into the backseat of his <em>1969 Ford Mustang</em>. </p><p>“It was good,” Lyanna replied, glancing around the backseat of the car.</p><p>They were in a part of town that she was unfamiliar with. </p><p>Southside King’s Landing was a place where wolves didn’t venture to if they had a choice. Down here she wasn’t an heiress, but just a fly caught in a spider’s nest. She was deep in Targaryen territory, but she was the Prince’s honored guest. She knew that she was safe with him before she even knew what his intentions with her were.</p><p>Rhaegar just gave off good energy though that didn’t mean he wasn’t dangerous. </p><p>Just last week there was a rumor going around her school about Rhaegar and Arthur getting into a nasty fight with some new gang. She could still see scratches and bruises on his knuckles while he rolled a joint, his slender fingers working with an artist’s precision. </p><p>“I’m glad you came,” Rhaegar said, patting his jacket for a lighter. She liked how he managed to find the perfect balance between prep and stoner and emo indie artist that found beauty in the simple things without being insufferable. Finding the lighter, he took it out but didn't immediately light the joint. “Come here.” </p><p>Lyanna already knew what he intended to do because they had talked about it. She leaned her back against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, holding the joint up to her lips. She took it into her mouth, waiting. </p><p>Rhaegar lit it. “Easy,” he said softly. </p><p>She had enough common sense not to pull on it too hard but even the smoke was too much for a beginner like her. She coughed. </p><p>“It’s gross,” she said, coughing again. </p><p>“I told you.” Rhaegar took a hit but kept one arm around her waist. “You’re like my little brother in that regard. I have to show you that fire is hot for you to understand.” </p><p>“Did you just admit to tormenting your little brother for the sake of a learning lesson?” she asked, falling into their usual banter. </p><p>“Viserys didn’t believe me when I told him that lemons are tart. So I gave him a slice and well…” </p><p>Lyanna laughed. “I did the same thing to Benjen once. I see we also have that in common.” </p><p>They had a similar taste in music, same opinions regarding politics, religion, and even agreed that Maesters are the true villains of Westeros’s history. They, of course, disagreed on a lot of things and were both vocal about their disagreements without disrespecting the other’s opinion which was healthy in any relationship. </p><p>“Do you want another try?” Rhaegar asked, putting the joint in front of her again. </p><p>Lyanna did. </p><p>They took turns smoking until the joint was gone and the car was full of a grey haze. The smell of smoke was sure to be in her clothes and hair for days but Rhaegar promised her he had a remedy for that. </p><p>“My parents have no idea that I smoke,” Rhaegar told her. “Then again, I could show up to dinner high out of my mind and no one would notice. Well, Viserys would.” </p><p>“I’m starting to think he’s the smartest person in your family.” </p><p>“Me too.” He placed his other arm around her waist. It was the first time they’d ever been this close to one another. “Do you want to go back to my place? I’m staying in the city tonight.”</p><p>The Targaryen estate was deep in the countryside. Sometimes Rhaegar stayed in a penthouse downtown when he didn't feel like making the drive or going home at all.  </p><p>Lyanna’s heart raced to the point where she wondered if Rhaegar could feel it fluttering. If he wanted her to go to his penthouse did that mean that he wanted to have sex? They hadn’t even established what they were to one another. He was never forward about what he thought of her or if he even desired her. Now he was being affectionate and inviting her to his place. </p><p>Did weed make people horny? </p><p>“Of course you don’t have to-” </p><p>Lyanna cut him off. She turned around so that she could look at him. They were so close, face to face, mere inches apart. She could smell his cologne and the smoke on his breath. He was so damn pretty this close up, too.</p><p>“I do want to come over. Before I do, I want to know what I am to you…” Lyanna decided that she would be better off just asking him what was going on. “Am I your friend or your girlfriend?” </p><p>Rhaegar smiled and cupped her face. “I thought that was obvious,” he said as he leaned in and kissed her. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Present Day</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>There are rocks in the pit of Lyanna’s stomach. </p><p>At least that’s what it feels like as the limousine crawls up the winding driveway of the Stark estate. She glances out the window, watching the workers manicure the green lawns. In the distance, she sees the gazebo and its surrounding gardens. The flowers are in full bloom. She remembers playing in those gardens with her mother before the woman died. </p><p>The heavy feeling in her stomach just gets heavier and heavier to the point where she can’t get up on her own once it's time for them to go inside. She wishes she had another joint. </p><p>“The sooner we get this over, the better you’ll feel,” Benjen says, taking her by the hand. He helps her out of the car, keeping a gentle hand on her back. </p><p>Lyanna has always been brave, she likes to think. She isn’t necessarily afraid now. She’s just worried that once she sees her brother, Ned, she’s going to want to knock his teeth down his throat. </p><p>For years, she’s hated the man for betraying her and telling their father about her pregnancy. It was because of Ned that she was taken out of school and sent to Winterfell before she got the chance to tell Rhaegar anything. She told Ned that she would never forgive him, and she hasn’t. She doesn’t hate her brother really. She just hates how much he changed after being named their father’s heir. </p><p>Brandon had too many DUIs, illegitimate children, and nasty habits to be given such a title so he was disinherited in name. Lyanna would’ve been disinherited as well but her family still has use of her; use of her womb. </p><p>They enter the mansion, and Benjen leads her to the den where everyone is waiting for them. Ned and his wife Catelyn, and their father, Rickard. The man has seen better days but losing a beloved wife and having children like Brandon and Lyanna will drain a person. </p><p>Brandon is absent because he’s still in rehab but he’s set to be out in a few days.</p><p>At the sight of her, her father smiles as he walks to greet her. Lyanna is stiff and emotionless when he hugs her. She feels nothing when he tells her that he missed her. This was the same man who took her newborn son out of her hands and told her that from then on, she wasn’t a mother, that she had no son. </p><p>“Hello, father,” she says, looking over his shoulder at the solemn face of Ned, and the sour face of his wife, Catelyn. </p><p>Catelyn was meant to be Brandon’s wife but, well, Brandon turned out to not be the best match so her father requested she be married to Ned in order to uphold their business agreement. Lyanna hardly knows the woman. When they met in the past, Catelyn was kind enough to her, but now the woman is staring at her as though Lyanna was a wet stain on her car seat. </p><p>Is it because now she’s the Lady of the Estate? She doesn’t have to kiss up to Lyanna anymore now that she has what she wants?</p><p>Lyanna doesn’t like to make assumptions, though. Unlike her father, she tends to give people chances.</p><p>Ned comes and hugs her next. She can hear in his voice that he does miss her a great deal, and despite her bitterness, she returns his hug. </p><p>“Hello, Lyanna,” Catelyn says as she approaches, her smile fake, her blue eyes empty. “Welcome home.” She’s beautiful and pale, but in a haunting way with long, slender fingers and high cheekbones. </p><p>She was definitely a mean girl in high school. </p><p>“Thanks,” Lyanna says. She looks around the den. “Where’s Jon?” </p><p>The tension in the room spikes. </p><p>Catelyn makes a little face before she returns to the sofa, and Ned sighs heavily, putting his hands in the pockets of his slacks. Her brother isn’t even thirty yet and he looks forty. He has forehead wrinkles, bags under his eyes, and she swears she sees a few grey strands in his hair. </p><p>This family will do that to you. </p><p>"Lya,” Ned starts, sounding exhausted, “we thought it best if you-” </p><p>“Never met my son?” she asks hotly. “Bad enough he thinks you’re his father. Why can’t I see him?” </p><p>“Because you have no son,” her father says plainly, frowning at her. “You remain chaste. That is what your betrothed believes and that is the story we’re going to tell. I’ve already told you how this would be once you returned, Lyanna.” </p><p>Lyanna felt like vomiting. She was twenty-three now. They couldn’t treat her this way. </p><p>“What if I tell Robert Baratheon the truth?” Lyanna asks. She hasn’t been home for ten minutes and she's already stirring up trouble. But she doesn’t care. She deserves to see her son. “What if I told him that I’ve been fucking nonstop for years?!” She hasn't been but they don't know that. </p><p>Ned drops his head. “Lya-” </p><p>“Leave us,” Rickard says, the authority in his voice undeniable. </p><p>Catelyn gets up from the couch, a small smile on her face that she thinks no one catches, and she takes Ned by the arm and they walk out of the den together. Benjen is reluctant to leave but one sharp look from their father has him retreating. </p><p>Lyanna stares the man down as he approaches her. “This isn’t the fucking golden age!” she shouts, her anger getting the better of her. “You can’t throw me in the Maidenvault and you don’t have agency over my body!” </p><p>“Robert Baratheon will be here tomorrow to see you,” her father says, disregarding her tirade. “You will meet with him, you will charm him, and you will convince him that you were studying abroad for the past six years. I’m sure your studies with Septa Mordane can suffice for foreign education.” </p><p>“I won’t do it.” Lyanna shakes her head. She won’t be his puppet any longer. “You can’t control me anymore.” </p><p>“Then I suppose you don’t want to see Jon that much…” </p><p>Lyanna stares at her father long and hard. </p><p>She walked right into his trap. Has she learned anything? </p><p>This was never a family. This was always a company that operated beneath Rickard’s iron fist. There may have been a time when her father was warm and kind but in order to keep up with their competitors, he adopted a “by any means necessary” attitude. </p><p>“You’re a monster,” she says, tears streaming down her face. “You hate Tywin Lannister so much but you’re just like him!” </p><p>“Tywin would’ve shoved moon tea down your throat the moment he learned you’d foolishly gone out and put a major business deal at risk. I’m nothing like Tywin!” </p><p>“Because taking my newborn away after I carried him for nine months and using him as a way to keep me in check is <em>Father of the Year</em> worthy? Fuck you! Fuck this fam-” </p><p>The slap makes her stumble back but she doesn’t fall. Tasting blood in her mouth, she looks up at her father and smiles darkly. </p><p>“Yeah, you’re just like Tywin,” she says, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. </p><p>Rickard looks remorseful but what’s done is done. He drops his hands to his side, closing his eyes tightly. “If you behave during your meeting with Robert I will let you see the boy. But you mustn’t tell him the truth, Lyanna. Think of him and not yourself.” </p><p>“You don’t give a fuck about him or me.” </p><p>“You talk as if you didn’t put yourself in this predicament! When will you take responsibility for your actions, Lyanna?” </p><p>“I’ve been taking responsibility for six years!” Lyanna shouts. “I know that I fucked up...I know...but why am I being punished for falling in love-” </p><p>Rickard laughs humorlessly. “Love? You didn’t know a damn thing about love then and you haven’t learned anything yet if you still believe what you had with that scum was real. You were a child, Lyanna. A stupid child playing with fire. You were always the daring one, and look where your thrill-seeking got you! It’s time for you to grow up!” </p><p>They don’t understand, she tells herself. They don’t understand that she and Rhaegar were in love. She knows that she was young and dumb but what she felt was very real. How dare he try to tell her otherwise. </p><p>Lyanna’s so angry that she’s shaking. “I hate you,” she says, voice trembling. </p><p>Rickard doesn’t acknowledge that. “You’re so much like your mother. She took some time to adjust to this lifestyle. But she wasn’t born in it, you were. You have no excuse.” </p><p>“Is that why she killed herself? To get away from you and all this?” </p><p>That hurts him. She can see it in his eyes. Good. </p><p>“I don’t know how I angered the gods so that they’d give me such a vile and unruly daughter, but I’ve come to terms with it.” Rickard crosses his arms. “Ruin this again and I will make sure you never see Jon.” </p><p>“Are we done here?” she asks. “I’d like to go mentally prepare for this meeting with Robert and rehearse my lines.” </p><p>“You are dismissed.” </p><p>When Lyanna’s in her old bedroom she doesn’t even take the moment to drink it in or reminiscence. She lays down on her bed and cries, she cries for everything. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Present Day</strong>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
The meeting with Robert went how Lyanna expected it would. </p><p>Most of the time was spent with him telling her how much he missed her and how he couldn’t wait to marry her. He told her that she’d grown into a beautiful woman, not that he was surprised, and she held her tongue and kept from saying everything she really wanted to say. </p><p>Lyanna did her duty now she was being allowed to see Jon. </p><p>Their meeting is going to be monitored, but unfortunately, she’s used to being monitored. Even when she was in Winterfell she was watched like a hawk. Every letter from Elia was read before it reached her and whenever she used the payphone someone was always there eavesdropping to make sure she wasn’t trying to contact Rhaegar. They even made her tell her best friend that she miscarried. </p><p>Elia believes that she lost her baby. </p><p>Her father pulled out all the stops, that’s for sure. </p><p>This time is no different. </p><p>Ned walks with her to the east wing of the estate where Jon is supposedly playing with his cousin, Robb. Ned and Catelyn wasted no time in providing an heir, and something tells Lyanna that the woman worked overtime to secure her place here. Well, she’s ambitious, and Lyanna respects ambitious people. </p><p>Still, there’s something about Ms. Tully that bothers her though she doesn’t know what that is.</p><p>Not only does she have a son who doesn’t know her but she also has a nephew - and a niece - who doesn’t know her either. It’s going to be difficult bonding with any of them, and that hurts her the most. She’s being excluded from her family and there’s nothing she can do about it. </p><p>Soon, she’ll be marrying Robert and she won’t even be a Stark anymore. </p><p>Before they enter the playroom, Ned stops her. “Lyanna...remember, you can’t-” </p><p>“Oh shut up, Ned,” she says, waving him off. “I’m not a fucking idiot. I know how to act.” </p><p>Her brother looks as if he's fed up with her but Ned always looks fed up these days. He opens the door and walks in first. She can hear a happy squeal at his appearance. Peeking around the corner, she sees a smiling auburn-haired child run up to her brother and hug his legs. </p><p>That’s definitely Robb. He takes after his Tully mother, that’s for sure. He’s a cute little button, though. She looks around the room for Jon and is surprised to see him still playing on the rug, not acknowledging Ned. </p><p>That doesn’t seem right. Granted, Ned is hardly the kind of person kids warm up to with his brooding intensity and pessimism but she expected Jon to react the same way as Robb. If anything, Jon hasn’t even lifted his head and is quietly playing with his toys as though no one else was in the room. </p><p>Lyanna’s eyes water as she stares at him.</p><p>Gods, she has a son; she and Rhaegar have a son. He has a head of curly, dark hair and his eyes are grey like her's. Even with her features mostly, it’s evident that he looks like Rhaegar as well. She approaches him slowly, not wanting to frighten him. </p><p>“Hello,” she says quietly. Her throat feels incredibly tight, and she’s trying her hardest to keep from breaking down. </p><p>Jon doesn’t look up. “Hello,” he says in a tiny voice. </p><p>Frowning, Lyanna turns around and looks at Ned, a silent question in her gaze. </p><p>“He’s a quiet and withdrawn boy,” Ned says. </p><p>In Ned’s arms, Robb shakes his head. “No...no...Jon talks all the time! He’s never quiet with me!” </p><p>Chuckling, Ned pats Robb’s back. “That’s because you’re always bothering him…” </p><p>Lyanna looks back at Jon. He’s still playing with his toys. She kneels down, seeing that he’s playing with an action figure. </p><p>“Who’s that?” she asks, pointing at the toy. </p><p>Jon frowns and looks up at her. “You don’t know Batman?” he asks in disbelief. Then his eyes widen, and for a moment Lyanna foolishly thinks he recognizes her. “You’re the sword lady!” </p><p>“The sword lady?” </p><p>Excitedly, Jon gets up and takes her finger into his tiny hand and tugs on it. She follows him out of the room though she isn’t sure where he’s going to take her. When they’re in the corridor, with Ned and Robb not too far behind, Jon looks around curiously.</p><p>“Take a left,” Ned says, sounding amused. </p><p>Well, he can still be amused. That’s a good thing, she guesses.</p><p>Jon takes a few seconds to figure out which way is left then he takes it. He walks her to a room three doors down, and Lyanna knows that it’s a sitting room full of family portraits and a grand piano that she doubts anyone plays. </p><p>Jon shows her to a table full of photos, pointing. “There. You’re holding a tiny sword,” he says. </p><p>It’s a photo she took after a fencing competition. She was sixteen in this photo, wilful, and vibrant. It’s a wonder he can even recognize that the young, happy woman in the photo is her current depressed self. She kneels down beside him. </p><p>“Yeah, that is me.” </p><p>“The sword is like a needle,” Jon says, very eloquent and intelligent for a boy of six. Then again, Lyanna doesn’t know shit about a six-year old’s learning capacities. “You can’t be a knight with a needle sword…” </p><p>“It’s called a saber,” she says, smiling easier than she has in years. “You’re right. It’s not the kind of sword a knight would have. Do you like knights?” </p><p>Jon nods. “I want to be-” </p><p>“Ned, there you are,” Catelyn says, appearing in the doorway. She touches Robb’s cheek and the boy laughs. “What are you all doing in here?” </p><p>Lyanna nearly misses how the light in Jon’s eyes dim all of a sudden. He lowers his head and keeps it there. It’s as if he wasn’t just excitedly talking only seconds ago.</p><p>A sick feeling settles in her stomach. Something’s not right. </p><p>“Jon recognized Lyanna from a photo,” Ned says, sounding proud. “He’s a sharp boy.” </p><p>“Hm,” Catelyn says. “You know your father doesn’t like for people to be in here…” </p><p>“Are you the ground’s keeper?” Lyanna asks. It comes naturally to her, really. She has a quick wit; a smart ass mouth, Brandon likes to say. “We’re well aware of why our father doesn't like for us to be in here.” </p><p>It’s because their mother would spend hours here playing the piano. As much as the man pretends as though he doesn’t miss her, they all know that her suicide ruined him. There are rooms in the house that hold her memory the strongest, and this is one of those rooms. </p><p>Ned sighs. “Let’s return to the playroom. Jon and Robb have half an hour left before their lessons anyway. </p><p>“What lessons?” Lyanna asks. They’re walking back to the room. She’s annoyed that Catelyn is tagging along as though she doesn’t have a three-year-old that she should be tending to. </p><p>“Just the basics,” Ned says. Pausing he quietly adds, “Jon loves the picture books just like you did.” </p><p>That brings a smile to her face. She wants to say that of course, he does because he’s her boy but she holds her tongue. Back in the playroom, Jon and Robb play with building blocks while she sits with them. Ned is outside in the hall whispering with Catelyn who sounds upset for some reason. She sure is a peculiar woman with a lot of nerve. </p><p>Lyanna was hoping she’d get along with her sister-in-law but she doesn’t see that happening. They’re not cut from the same cloth, her and women like Catelyn. They want different things out of life and prefer different ways of obtaining what they want. </p><p>In Catelyn’s eyes, Lyanna is probably another dumb girl who threw her life away for a little fun. She bets Catelyn guarded her virginity like the holy grail to impress Brandon - as if that would keep her brother from passing his dick around like postal deliveries - just to end up with a wet blanket like Ned. She almost feels sorry for the woman. </p><p>Almost. </p><p>She has to lighten up on Ned, she knows. He has a major responsibility that he was never prepared for. It was always meant to be Brandon. But Brandon's slow spiral began after their mother's death and didn't get too bad until the months leading up to his wedding to Catelyn. They believed that he would be stable enough to run the family until the heavy drinking and promiscuity overtook him. </p><p>From time to time, Jon will sneak a curious glance at Lyanna when he doesn’t think she’s paying attention.</p><p>At one point, he leans over and whispers to Robb, “Who is she?” he asks. </p><p>Robb loudly replies, “Silly, she’s our Aunt Lyanna!” </p><p>Jon frowns at his cousin in annoyance for him being so loud. She has to hold in her laugh.</p><p>Yeah, this is definitely her boy.</p><p>He keeps looking at her as if he isn’t convinced about her identity, and a tiny and hopeful part of her wonders if perhaps he senses the truth. </p><p>Could children do that? Could they see through the smoke and mirrors? </p><p>Soon, it's time for the boys to go to their lesson. Lyanna can feel tears bubbling up in the back of her throat because she knows these small moments with him will be all she has when Jon peeks over his shoulder before he leaves the room. </p><p>“See you later,” he says, waving at her. </p><p>Lyanna waves back. “See you later,” she says, and she prays it actually happens. </p><p>Afterward, she finds Benjen in his room. He hates staying at home but is sticking around for her sake. May the Seven bless him. </p><p>“Take me to the store,” Lyanna says, leaning on the threshold of his bedroom door. “An arts and crafts one.” </p><p>“New hobby?” he asks, scanning his eyes over a textbook. Her little brother is still in university. “Anytime you leave the house, they’re gonna have people following you.” </p><p>“Yeah, I know.” </p><p>Her family is afraid she’ll find her way into the arms of a certain man. </p><p>She hasn’t spoken to Rhaegar since the last time she snuck out to be with him. When she thinks about how she wasn’t even allowed to break things off with him officially or explain to him the situation she wants to vomit. </p><p>There’s no telling what he thinks about her these days. </p><p>“Well, let’s go,” Benjen says. “I feel like going for a drive. Let’s take the long way.” </p><p>“I love how I never have to convince you to do anything I want to do. We’re always on the same page.” </p><p>Benjen slips on a leather jacket, chuckling. “Almost like we’re twins.” </p><p>Lyanna laughs. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>
    <strong>In the Past</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Nothing gave her a rush like sneaking away from the estate to meet up with Rhaegar. </p><p>Once the school year kicked off, her father became stricter than usual when it came to her hanging out during the weekday but only with her and Benjen. Brandon and Ned were allowed to do whatever they wanted despite the former failing every exam he was given. </p><p>Lyanna knew it was because she was a girl and Benjen was too young, but that didn’t mean she was fine with it. She snuck out every chance she got. Not just to see Rhaegar. Sometimes she would sneak out just to go to the lake and be alone with her thoughts. Once she took Rhaegar to the lake with her and showed him her happy place.</p><p>It was a week after her eighteenth birthday. </p><p>“I never knew this lake was here,” Rhaegar said. He was wearing a black t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and black jeans and boots. His long hair was in a low bun, silver-blond bangs framing his face. There was a joint behind his ear. “What do you do when you come here?” </p><p>“I just sit here,” she says, gesturing at the pier they were lounging on, “and look up at the sky. The stars are bright out here.” </p><p>“There’s no one here to ruin everything.” </p><p>“Can you not be an emo boy tonight?” she asked, teasing. “This is a happy place. Not a “nobody understands me” vent space.” </p><p>Rhaegar laughed because he knew what stereotype he fell into despite being a man of many faces. “My apologies.” He removed the joint from behind his ear. “Is this at least a smoke-free place?” </p><p>By this point, Lyanna knew that Rhaegar didn’t get high because he particularly enjoyed it. He had anxiety and a father who was constantly on his back. </p><p>Back then, nobody took mental illness of any variety seriously, especially not people in their world. Even after her mother killed herself, there was no awareness spread, and her father didn’t change his strict ways. Her mother was treated like she was abnormal and that was that.</p><p>They bonded over their mothers more than anything. Rhaegar worried that any day his mother would take her own life as well, and he felt helpless to stop it. </p><p>“You told me you’d stop,” Lyanna said, taking the joint away from him. “We’re supposed to be finding healthier ways for you to cope. This is still bad for your lungs if you keep doing it as much as you do." </p><p>Rhaegar took it back from her. “I told you I would try. This is my first of the day so I am trying.” He could see the disappointment on her face, and she knew he hated to disappoint her. “I’ll try harder.” He put the joint away. </p><p>“Besides,” she said, sitting up on her knees. She touched his shoulders as she straddled his lap. “When I kiss you, I want to only taste you.” </p><p>Every time they kissed, it made her head fuzzy and her body hot all over. Since their first kiss, she’d grown addicted to kissing Rhaegar. She thought about it during class, practice, and before bed each and every night. Kissing him wasn’t the only thing she thought about either. </p><p>Once their kiss reached its height, Rhaegar pulled away like he always did. “Do you ever swim in the lake?” he asked. </p><p>“Sometimes. I like to skinny dip,” she said, baiting him. “I’m kinda in the mood to do that now…” </p><p>“It’s cold, Lyanna.” </p><p>It was a little nippy. Too nippy for a swim let alone a nude one but still she was annoyed that he was once again not taking her bait. They’d been dating for a while now and Lyanna was ready to see what all the fuss was about, and she really liked Rhaegar and trusted him. </p><p>“Then take me back to the car and warm me up,” she said, kissing his chin, rolling her hips for added effect. </p><p>Rhaegar stiffened. “Lyanna,” he said, a warning in his voice. </p><p>“You don’t want me? Does your other girlfriend keep you satisfied?” </p><p>“You know there’s no one else.” </p><p>“No, I don’t know that. You’re at university. For all I know, you have another girlfriend.” Lyanna was hurt for whatever reason and felt like being spiteful; one of her bad habits. “Or maybe you found a new cougar to entertain.” </p><p>Rhaegar opened up to her about him being involved with an older woman before but it was a topic he didn’t like to talk about. She was wrong for bringing it up in that way and she knew it. </p><p>“Are you done being a brat?” he asked. </p><p>“I don’t know. Are you done being difficult?” </p><p>“I don’t have any condoms on me, Lyanna.” </p><p>Lyanna wasn’t expecting him to say that. “Oh...well…” She wanted to tell him just to pull out. He could do that right? But she already seemed far too eager than she wanted to. “You’re the oldest. Shouldn't you know better?” </p><p>“Not having them on me helps me make good decisions,” he said, he wrapped his arms around her, caging her against his chest. He was an athlete and it was apparent in every aspect of his physique. </p><p>“So, you do want …” </p><p>“Did you really think that I didn’t?” </p><p>“I don’t know. You and Arthur are like monks.” Elia still hadn't had any luck finding out the reason behind Arthur’s nickname.</p><p>“Hardly.” Rhaegar started kissing her neck, and she felt like she was floating. “But I’m at fault for not letting you know how much I want you to the point that you’d actually think I’d cheat.” </p><p>“Well, you don’t really like people so I never saw you for the cheating sort anyway.” </p><p>He slipped his hand under her shirt, watching her to see if it was fine. She made no protest though she was actually nervous. Were they going to have sex anyway? That wasn’t the plan, though. Rhaegar only showed her just how badly he wanted her. He also showed her that his fingers weren’t only skilled at thrumming a guitar’s strings. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Present Day</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Wow!” Jon exclaims, staring wide-eyed at the wooden sword and fake shield Lyanna presents him with the next day. “Is this for me?” he asks, completely stunned. </p><p>Lyanna stayed up all night making him a shield out of cardboard and construction paper so that he could be a proper knight. The shield had a black background with an albino wolf with red eyes howling on it.  She wanted something that represented both she and Rhaegar without being too heavy-handed with the former’s representation. </p><p>The wolf is white because of Rhaegar’s hair and it has red eyes because that’s the color of the Targaryen sigil. </p><p>She tried to be creative. </p><p>“Of course,” she says. “This is your sword and shield. Every proper knight should have them.” </p><p>Jon carefully took the sword in his hand as though it were the real deal, and he put his arm through the strap she added to the shield. “I’m Ser Jon the Tall,” he exclaims. “Defender of the...the innocent...and slayer of monsters!” </p><p>Seven help her, he’s just too cute. Lyanna wishes she could’ve been here with him from the start. She thinks that if only she would have raised him herself that would’ve made up for Rhaegar’s absence greatly. Even now, she doesn't think it's too late for her to be involved in his life. She may not know anything about motherhood but she knows that she already loves him more than anything and just wants to see him happy. </p><p>Lyanna puts on a flower crown she made out of plastic blue roses. She speaks in a shrill voice as she places her hand on her head. “Oh, help me someone!” she says, feigning helplessness. “I’m in danger!” </p><p>Jon looks around curiously to see what peril she spoke of. She knew that he wouldn’t fall for any old thing so she enlisted help. </p><p>From around the hedge, Benjen rolls out, wearing a Halloween mask of a goblin. He pretends to attack Lyanna. </p><p>“Ahh, I’m an evil Ogre!” </p><p>That springs Jon into action. </p><p>He shouts for the ugly ogre to stay away from the “fair lady” and Lyanna tries not to laugh at him throwing the ugly word out. Jon spins around with fine balance and aims his sword at Benjen’s crotch. Her poor brother just wanted to be a good uncle and pays for it with his family’s jewels. </p><p>Dropping to his knees, Benjen cups himself. “He sure has a powerful swing,” he says, wincing. </p><p>“Well, he is my-” Lyanna stops herself. </p><p>Jon takes her by the hand and puts himself between her and Benjen. He’s still trying to perform his knightly duties and protect her against the ogre. She lets the boy whack her brother across the head a couple of times because it’s fun to watch, then she thanks Jon for saving her while Benjen plays dead. </p><p>“You’re the bravest knight I know, Ser Jon the Tall!” she says, speaking in an airy voice. “Your name should be Ser Jon the Bold instead.” </p><p>Benjen takes off the mask and sits on the grass. “That boy is going to be a fine fencer when he’s old enough. I’ve only been back home for a few days but I’ve watched him play around with Robb. He’s fast and sure-footed.” He shakes his head as they both watch Jon run around swinging his sword and blocking invisible attacks with his shield. “No one can deny that he’s your son. Hell, I wouldn’t even deny that he’s Rhaegar’s…” </p><p>Sitting down beside her brother, she spares a glance over her shoulder to make sure no one’s around. “I can’t marry Robert and let my son stay here, Benjen. I want to raise him from here on out.” </p><p>“You know I always support you, Lya…” </p><p>“But?” </p><p>“But would it be good to uproot him and take him away from the only home he’s known? He and Robb are attached at the hip, and Ned likes that Robb has another boy to play with.” </p><p>“Do you hear that, Benjen? The reasons you gave are all tied to Robb. What does Ned and his sweet Tully wife think about him? Ned’s a good guy but Catelyn... There’s something wrong with that woman.” </p><p>“She embraces the patriarchy and you’re naturally rebellious so you two clash.” </p><p>“My name is Benjen Stark and I took a Psych 101 course,” she says, mocking him playfully. “When did you get so intellectual?”  </p><p>Benjen laughs. “I attend a real university, you know. Not Septa Mordane’s Reform School.” </p><p>“Ouch.” The woman was hellbent on molding Lyanna into an “exceptional lady” and “perfect wife material” and well, pie-in-her-fucking-face because she’s the same old Lyanna with minor adjustments that have nothing to do with having read the Seven-Pointed Star until her eyes bled. “But seriously, there’s something fishy about Catelyn.” </p><p>“Well, she is a Tully.” </p><p>Lyanna actually laughs out loud. Her baby brother can be nasty when he wants to be. “Of all the families…” She shakes her head, that doesn’t matter. “I want to see Rhaegar…” </p><p>Benjen nods. “Yeah, I knew that was coming. When are you going to meet up with Elia?” </p><p>“She’s coming by later today.” </p><p>“Elia and Arthur are still going strong,” her brother says, keeping his voice low. “And Arthur and Rhaegar remain inseparable. Have Elia send a message for him through Arthur and I’ll help you sneak away to see him.” </p><p>Lyanna doesn’t know how she ended up with such an amazing younger brother but she’s not complaining. She thanks him. Then he gets up to serve as Jon’s sparring post again because he hasn’t really had a chance to play with his nephew. </p><p>Soon, Robb comes to play after his speech lessons and when he sees Jon’s sword and shield, he begs her to make him a sword and shield too. </p><p>“Okay, I will make you one later,” she promises. Sometimes, Robb reminds her of Brandon. His personality is nothing like Ned’s from what she's seen. But genetics tend to be weird like that. </p><p>Speaking of Brandon…</p><p>“He’ll be home Friday,” Benjen tells her. </p><p>“All of Rickard’s wayward kids will be back under one roof,” she says, a little excited about the ensuing drama. “I can’t wait to see how that’s going to go.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Present Day</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The other day, Rhaegar saw a ghost. </p><p>After a twelve-hour flight from Tokyo, he was jet-lagged and irritated and wanted nothing more than to return to his place and fall right into his bed but a busy man like him rarely has that luxury. There were meetings to get to. His plane landed in King's Landing earlier than intended and traffic was insane so his driver was also late. While Rhaegar waited around for the man, he saw men in black suits lingering around the doors of the airport.</p><p>Assuming it was a potential enemy because that's just the life he lives now, he kept a watchful eye on them.</p><p>That was when he saw Benjen Stark walking through the doors with a woman accompanying him. When Rhaegar saw <em>her</em>, he couldn't believe his eyes. In fact, he left the airport believing that he was hallucinating due to sleep-deprivation. </p><p>Seeing Benjen Stark simply made him naturally think of her, and by thinking of her his exhausted mind conjured her. She was nothing more than an apparition. </p><p>Rhaegar's driver arrived shortly after and he made his way to his meeting. Throughout the entire affair, he thought about what he saw, he thought about her after six years of trying to forget her out of self-preservation. </p><p>Lyanna wasn't his first love.</p><p>No, his first love was his mother's friend who wanted a little fun to keep her entertained while her husband visited the Water Gardens frequently to sample Dornish delights. Looking back on that relationship, he now knows that it wasn't real and that he was just desperately seeking the affection his mother was incapable of giving him due to being extremely depressed. </p><p>Lyanna was his first true love.</p><p>Even though things ended abruptly and to this day he has no idea why it ended at all, he likes to think that their relationship was healthy and pure. For the longest, she was his only bright spot in a world of darkness, and she made him want to be better and aim for better.</p><p>Yes, he always knew that he would one day take over his family and that one day his hands would be drenched in blood like his father's hands but that didn't mean he had to slowly become the man. </p><p>Rhaegar partially credits Lyanna for the current state of his family. Both of his parents are no longer ignoring their mental health, and his little brother is on a straight and narrow path; well, not too straight. His little sister in a house that isn't filled with the noise of constant fighting and negativity. Everything is actually going well for them. For once. </p><p>There's even been talk of him marrying a Lyseni princess. His father wants him to have a child before the man kicks the bucket, and after years of loneliness, Rhaegar agreed that it wouldn't be a bad idea to marry.</p><p>Even still, he used all of his resources to see if the apparition was truly that. </p><p>"I tried talking to Elia," Arthur says. They're in Rhaegar's downtown office. "But like last time, she's being very hush-hush about it." </p><p>Naturally, after he realized Lyanna was no longer in King's Landing he sought out Elia for information. But for whatever reason, the woman refused to tell him anything aside from confirming that Lyanna was no longer in the city and wouldn't be back for some time. She hasn't even told Arthur anything. That could only mean that Lyanna made her swear not to tell him anything. It makes him angry just thinking about it. </p><p>Why? He just wants to know why. </p><p>A few years ago, he bumped into Ned Stark at a charity banquet. He pulled the man aside and demanded to know where Lyanna was, but that only resulted in an altercation that ended with them both being escorted from the venue and fined for orderly misconduct. The media wouldn't shut up about the incident for weeks. </p><p>Rhaegar drew his own conclusions about Lyanna following that. Her strict father found out about them and sent her away in order to punish her. Lyanna was always rebellious so it was only a matter of time before Rickard Stark did something about that, especially since he was trying to marry her off.</p><p>"But you did see her at the airport," Arthur says, pulling Rhaegar out of his thoughts. "I checked the cameras."</p><p>Hearing that, Rhaegar walks over to the mini-bar and fixes himself a drink. He gulps down the scotch then makes another glass. </p><p>"Do you want to see her?" </p><p>"I don't know." Rhaegar has moved on. At least that's what he tells himself. "What good would it do?" </p><p>"It'll give you closure." </p><p>He doesn't need it, he wants to say though he knows that isn't true. He thinks about the woman he saw at the airport and how she looks the same as the girl he once knew yet so different. Still beautiful. He doubts that aspect of her could ever change. </p><p>The office phone rings. By the certain tone that plays, Rhaegar knows it's a call through his personal line. He taps on the speaker. There's a rustle on the other end then a tiny "Hello?" </p><p>Smiling, he says, "Hello, Daenerys." </p><p>"Big brother," she says. In the background, he can hear his mother quietly urging her to go on. "Are you still coming to see me dance tonight?" she asks. </p><p>She has her first ballet recital and he promised her that he wouldn't dare miss it. </p><p>"Of course, I am." </p><p>Daenerys an excited squeak before telling their mother that he was coming. She tells him that he can't wait to see her before she hangs up. After the call, Rhaegar buzzes his secretary and has her order pink roses for Daenerys. </p><p>"It would appear I have more important matters to attend to," Rhaegar says, happy for the subject change. He doesn't know how to react to the news of Lyanna's return or how he wants to proceed just yet. </p><p>The last time he acted hastily, he broke her brother's nose. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. home with you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw; mention of suicide and violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No matter how wealthy or important Rhaegar gets, he still has babysitting duties whenever his parents are on vacation. Rhaella and Aerys left bright and early that morning for a two-week vacation in Volantis. While they’re away, his little sister, Daenerys, is staying with him. His penthouse isn’t kid-friendly but adjustments were made. </p><p>In the den, Daenerys has a pink tent full of toys, blankets, and a tablet where she can watch movies or play games. The idea is that while he’s working from home she’s to stay in the tent and make her own fun. </p><p>Of course, it rarely works out that way. </p><p>During a morning conference call, Rhaegar has to sit very still so that Daenerys can paint his nails. Every time he moves even a little she pouts and scolds him. While his nails dry, she stands on his lap and puts bows in his hair. It’s very hard for him to carry out his role as a serious businessman with glitter nail polish and a pink bow but he gets the job done. </p><p>After the conference call, he helps Daenerys get dressed. </p><p>“You have to get a second set of shots today,” he says. King’s Landing has a unique disease thanks to the accumulation of poor hygiene in Flea Bottom so residents are required to have the new immunization shot. It’s imperative for kids to get the shot, naturally. “We can go to the aquarium when you’re done.” </p><p>The promise of an aquarium trip softens the news about having to get shots; which was why he quickly threw that out. He doesn’t want to brag but he’s kind of good at the whole big brother thing. </p><p>“Will Jon and Robb be there?” Daenerys asks once she’s dressed in a powder blue dress and white sneakers. Her silver-blonde hair is in a ponytail because aside from letting her wear it down, he doesn’t know how to do anything else.  </p><p>Rhaegar removes the bows from his head and looks around for nail polish remover. Well, this time she used a clear glitter so maybe he didn’t have to take it off so soon...</p><p>“Are they your friends?” he asks absently, finding the nail polish remover. He may have an unexpected business meeting so he better remove it now. </p><p>“No! Boys are yucky!” </p><p>Rhaegar chuckles. “Then let’s hope they’re not there.” </p><p>“They’re both meanies. They never let me play with them because I’m a girl!” </p><p>On the way to the hospital, he tries to listen to the news on the radio but Daenerys makes it very clear that she finds it boring so he switches over to a pop radio station. Drowning out the music and his sister’s incoherent singing, he visualizes his itinerary for the remainder of the day because when he’s not thinking about family, he’s thinking about work. </p><p>He has another conference call later, reports to look over, and a video call with the father of the woman he may be marrying by the end of the month. </p><p>It’s difficult to think about marriage without thinking about Lyanna. </p><p>Why is she back now? </p><p>No, why did she leave to begin with? </p><p>He used to tell himself he didn’t care anymore, that he would move on and put the past behind him but ever since Arthur confirmed that she’s truly back he hasn’t been able to do that so easily. </p><p>He misses her, he realizes. He misses her so much that he’d give anything just to see her again, and he hates that. He hates how desperate she makes him even after all this time. No matter what, he won’t reach out first. </p><p>If only because he isn’t sure if that would be a wise decision. The Starks went through a lot of trouble to keep her away from him.</p><p>At the hospital, the receptionist greets them warmly when they enter. The hospital is a private practice that mainly caters to the city’s wealthiest families. There’s a decked-out kid’s room where the kids can play before it’s time for their appointment. Rhaegar likes the place because of its absolute privacy. </p><p>When the receptionist sees that Daenerys is with him and not their mother her entire demeanor changes. She’s flirting with him so openly. He keeps it short and polite. They’re escorted to the playroom and one look at the bright-colored walls has him wondering if Daenerys would mind skipping the playroom today. </p><p>But before he can make the suggestion, she’s running after two boys who are playing with toy trucks. </p><p>“Look it’s that girl again!” one of the boys says. He has bright auburn hair. </p><p>The other boy with dark curls looks up at Daenerys and scrunches up his face. </p><p>Rhaegar smiles to himself.  </p><p>The two boys don’t dislike Daenerys. It’s just children finding the opposite sex weird. He doesn’t want to leave his sister in here alone so he sits down in the chairs that are available for adults. </p><p>There’s a thin woman with auburn hair already seated. She looks like the mother of one of the boys. Rhaegar recognizes her face though her name escapes him. </p><p>She looks up when he sits down, her blue eyes widening. </p><p>Rhaegar nods in greeting. “Hello,” he says, looking away. </p><p>“Hello.” </p><p>Thankfully that conversation doesn’t go anywhere. </p><p>Rhaegar isn’t big on small talk and only does it when it’s necessary for business. He watches the children play. Daenerys may have declared that ‘boys are yucky’ but she seems quite taken with both boys. Especially the dark-haired one. She keeps shoving him and tugging him by the arm whenever she wants him to abandon a toy in exchange for another. </p><p>Daenerys doesn’t have any close friends, honestly. No one ever comes to the house to play with her and though she’s been invited to sleepovers, their mother is far too cautious to ever let her go. Not that he can blame her. </p><p>“Is that your dad?” the auburn-haired asks Daenerys. He meant to whisper it but he’s far too loud. </p><p>"He's my big brother!" Daenerys exclaims. </p><p>A nurse pops in. “Robb and Jon Stark,” she says. </p><p>Of course, Rhaegar thinks. </p><p>The woman is Catelyn Stark, wife of Eddard Stark. She was there the night Rhaegar approached Ned about Lyanna’s whereabouts. Gods, how did he forget her face? Out of habit, he looks at the two boys again. </p><p>Wasn’t there a rumor about Ned fathering an illegitimate son? He looks at the dark-haired boy, at his grey eyes. He finds himself staring at the boy until Catelyn takes him and Robb by the hand and takes them out of the room for their appointment. </p><p>Rhaegar doesn’t blink until Daenerys jumps on his lap and asks him to build blocks with her. </p><p>That child...Jon…</p><p>He shakes his head. No, Stark genes are just strong like that. Even the boy, Robb, favors Brandon Stark. Poor Ned. Both of his sons favor his siblings more than him. </p><p>If Lyanna had a child, he imagines Jon would look just like that child.  </p><p>Soon, a nurse comes for Daenerys. While he’s holding his sister’s hand and assuring her that it’ll all be over before she knows it, he thinks about how Jon favors him too.</p><hr/><p>When Elia comes to see her, the woman is treated like a suspicious person trying to board a commercial flight. They even check to make sure she isn’t sneaking in an extra phone to Lyanna because apparently, the one Benjen gave her is essential to ensuring Lyanna doesn’t contact Rhaegar or make any attempts to contact him. </p><p>Lyanna should’ve known her family would have her cell phone tapped. </p><p>At the sight of her best friend, Lyanna’s eyes water and she takes off running toward the woman, her arms outstretched. Elia runs toward her wearing the same relieved expression on her face. They embrace whilst the quiet, nameless guards responsible for keeping an eye on them stare off into space. </p><p>“I’ve missed you,” Elia says, squeezing Lyanna tighter. “Gods, it’s really been six years!” </p><p>Lyanna buries her face in the crook of Elia’s neck, trying to bask in the moment before someone comes and ruins it. “Six years and you haven’t changed one bit.” She keeps hold of Elia’s shoulders and pulls back a little to see the woman better. “You still look like a teenager. Don’t tell me you went under the knife…” She’s joking. </p><p>Laughing, Elia playfully hits her in the arm. “As if I’d do that to my face. But I wouldn’t mind a few ass shots,” she says, looking around at the guards. “Too bad we have an audience or I’d show you what I had done to my tits.”</p><p>That’s Elia’s sly way of asking if they can have privacy. </p><p>“Oh, don’t worry. They’re like statues,” Lyanna says. “You don’t have to worry about flashing them. I doubt they’re allowed to react.” </p><p>Elia gives her a look. Now she understands that this meeting will be monitored. The guards will be joining them the whole time. </p><p>“There are refreshments in the parlor,” Lyanna says, taking Elia by the hand. It comes to her naturally. They used to be really close so it’s easy for her to fall back into that swing of things. </p><p>“The Stark estate hasn’t changed at all since I’ve last been here," Elia says. </p><p>The last time Elia was here, they were in Lyanna’s bedroom skimming over pregnancy test instructions and hoping that the late menstrual cycle and morning sickness was just a coincidence. Lyanna remembers the moment she realized that the tests were all positive. She was devastated because she believed her future was ruined, but she was also afraid of Rhaegar’s reaction to the news. </p><p>Lyanna was afraid that he’d react negatively and that the man she thought was decent would turn out to be a piece of shit. She always knew at least that regardless of not wanting a child so soon that she wasn’t going to be with a man who wouldn’t step up and take responsibility. </p><p>For all of her naivety and teenage stupidity, she at least knew what she wanted in a partner. </p><p>Inside the parlor, all of the curtains are pulled back, allowing the beaming sunlight to pour in. It’s a pretty day outside. Lyanna wishes they would have sat in the garden under the gazebo instead, but she won’t complain. They sit down at a circular table where tea and biscuits are already put out for them. </p><p>Two guards stand near the door while two others linger by the windows. Do they really think she’s going to try and jump out of one? They’re on the bloody third floor. </p><p>“You should’ve called me once your flight landed,” Elia scolds. She picks up a biscuit, examines it, and then takes a small bite. “Or before you arrived. I could’ve picked you up.” </p><p>“They didn’t even want Benjen to pick me up.” </p><p>“Why are they treating you like you’re a criminal?” Elia asks, annoyed. </p><p>“Because to them, I am a criminal.” She needs to tell Elia the truth, but she knows the guards are waiting for her to slip up. They haven’t been close in years but she hopes Elia still recognizes their secret code. “But how have you been?” </p><p>Elia has a sip of tea, wrinkles her nose, then adds two sugar cubes. Stirring, she glances at the guards. “Same as usual. It hasn’t been the same without you.” After stirring, she taps the side of her teacup to drain the excess water. </p><p>At least that’s what she wants the guards to thinks she’s doing. </p><p>That one tap lets Lyanna know that Elia does remember their secret code. One tap indicates the start of the coded conversation and two taps signal the end of it. They came up with the system during dull youth charity balls as a way to trash talk the other attendants without them knowing.</p><p>“My father named me his successor,” Elia says. “But we always knew that would happen. I’ve been knee-deep in business meetings. What about you? There was only so much we could write in our letters and our phone calls were always so short. I feel like there’s a ton for us to catch up on.” </p><p>Oh, the woman has no idea. </p><p>Lyanna pours herself some tea for appearance’s sake. “Do you have the time to catch up on six years of my farm activities?” </p><p>“Didn’t you hear me? I’m my own boss now. I make time for what I want to make time for.” </p><p>“Look at you, you turned out to be an independent woman.” </p><p>“I still depend on a certain handsome man for those special needs…” </p><p>That means she’s still in contact with Arthur. Of course, Lyanna already knew that from Benjen but it’s good that she and Elia are on the same page. </p><p>Elia continues, “It’s so drab around here. I’m sure you could do with a man of your own.” She takes a sip of her tea. “As your best friend, I’d be more than happy to play matchmaker. Do you still have the same type?” She laughs. </p><p>“You know me, once I like something I tend to stick with forever.” Yes, she’s still into Rhaegar and yes she wants to see him. “But I’m a taken woman. Robert Baratheon and I will be wed soon…” </p><p>A look passes between them but other than that nothing is given away. </p><p>They continue their catch up and continue to talk in code throughout the woman’s visit. Too bad there isn’t a discreet way to tell Elia that she never miscarried but gave birth to a healthy baby boy who was now being raised by Ned. She wonders how her family managed to keep the media from poking into the story of Ned’s infidelity. Perhaps no one even knows that Jon is here. </p><p>When you’re one of the Seven Families it’s easy to sweep things under the rug; even easier to hide a member of your family from the general public. </p><p>Unfortunately, their meeting has to come to an end sooner than Lyanna would’ve liked. Aside from her own mess, it was fun hearing about Elia’s work for her family’s company and some stories from her time at university. </p><p>“It’s so good to know you’re doing well, Elia,” Lyanna says as they’re standing in the courtyard. “I hope we can catch up again soon.” </p><p>“We should go shopping for your wedding dress together.” </p><p>She almost forgets that they’re still talking in code. Her irritation at the mention of her wedding leaves her before it can settle in. Elia just came up with a valid excuse for Lyanna to leave the estate. </p><p>“Definitely. I’ll need a dress very soon.” </p><p>Just then a car pulls into the driveway. </p><p>It’s one of the unmarked sedans her family uses to drive around the city undetected. When the driver opens the door and two boys leap out excitedly, Lyanna’s heart tightens. Jon and Robb are back sooner than expected. They were gone before she could even ask to tag along with Catelyn to their checkup. The boys had to get their standard immunization shots. </p><p>Lyanna feels like she should’ve been informed about that at the very least.</p><p>Jon and Robb catch sight of her and they dash up to her, an annoyed Catelyn following behind at a slow pace. </p><p>“Aunt Lyanna!” Robb yells, hugging her legs. He’s taken a liking to her faster than she expected. “Did you make my sword yet?” Or perhaps he really just wants the sword and shield she promised him. </p><p>Jon looks up at Elia curiously. He’s always observing. He definitely got that from his father. </p><p>“I should be done with it before dinner,” Lyanna says, smiling. </p><p>“Gods, he’s like a miniature Brandon,” Elia whispers. Then she looks at Jon. “Who’s this? Oh, I heard Ned had a…” She looks at Lyanna then at Jon again. </p><p>Lyanna prays her friend can connect the dots on her own.</p><p>Soon Catelyn catches up with the boys. She puts on a fake smile and touches the top of Robb’s head affectionately. </p><p>“They have more energy than I can manage,” she says. </p><p>“Children tend to be that way.” Elia extends her hand. “I’ve always seen you from afar but I’ve never had the pleasure. Catelyn Tully, isn’t it?” </p><p>“Stark,” Catelyn says, her smile icy. “It’s nice to meet you.” </p><p>"My apologies," Elia says. "And likewise.” </p><p>“How was their appointment?” Lyanna asks. She wants to know if Jon cries when he sees a needle or does he put on a brave face. She also wants to know how his checkups have gone in the past out of curiosity. </p><p>Catelyn takes both boys by the hand. Jon tenses right before she touches him and Lyanna hones in on the reaction like a hawk. Instinctively, her fists ball up. </p><p>“The appointment went fine.” Catelyn gives the boys a little tug. “Come along, boys. It’s time for lunch.” </p><p>Elia and Lyanna watch them walk inside the mansion. She wishes the guards would’ve followed them inside so that she could confirm what Elia has probably already put together but the guards continue to hover around them. </p><p>“Dutiful Ned went out and found himself in another woman’s bed.” Elia looks at Lyanna. “Hard to believe he broke his wedding vows especially so soon. Those two boys look like they’re the same age.” </p><p>Lyanna swallows hard to keep the tears at bay. “My guess is that he wanted one last night of careless fun before he married.” </p><p>“Speaking of, you’ll be tied down soon. As your maid of honor, I will make sure you have one last bout of fun before that happens.” </p><p>“Ah, Elia, you’re the best.” </p><p>They share a hug. Elia holds her tighter than she did when they reunited earlier and that lets Lyanna know that Elia did fill in the blanks. She knows that Jon is the son that she never actually lost. </p><p>“I’ll be in touch soon about dress shopping,” Elia says as they break away, her voice strained. </p><p>“I look forward to it.”</p><hr/><p>Lyanna doesn’t like this heavy feeling that’s been sitting on her heart like a boulder for the better part of the day. She tells herself that she’s just trying to create something out of nothing, that she’s just being a troublemaker like always. </p><p>Isn’t that what her father is always telling her? </p><p>That she manages to ruin everything she touches. She puts on a brave face, lets a sly remark slip, and struts off like she’s not bothered but deep down hearing that from him always makes her feel low. Is that why she’s in this predicament? Is that why she and Rhaegar were doomed? Is that why Jon is- </p><p>Well, she can’t go and assume that Jon is anything until she gets some solid proof. The accusation she’s thinking of making is a serious one, and just because she doesn’t think her sister-in-law is fab doesn’t mean she gets to go around making things up about the woman. </p><p>Lyanna waits until she knows Catelyn is off tending to Sansa before making her way to the playroom where Jon and Robb are usually playing around this time. She doesn’t know where Ned is, Benjen has to sit in on a virtual lesson, and her father is probably off with his secretary doing what she suspects he was doing even when her mother was alive. </p><p>At least she knows that she has her reasons for believing that. </p><p>In the playroom, toys are scattered all over the floor which isn’t anything out of the ordinary. The thing that catches Lyanna’s attention are the scraps of torn construction paper scattered around the broken sword and shield she made for Jon. Seeing it makes her heart drop. </p><p>Did he really not like it? Children these days are into electronic tablets and the toys they do like are top-notch, not arts and crafts scraps. He seemed really happy when she gave it to him, though. </p><p>Lyanna steps into the playroom and kneels down to clean up the mess. That’s when she hears a tiny sniffle. Looking around the room, she nearly misses the small body crouched in the corner. </p><p>“Jon?” She rushes over to him. </p><p>Jon pops his head up. His eyes widen when he sees her. “Aunt Lyanna…” He frowns, dropping his head. “Sorry…” </p><p>Lyanna pets his head. “What are you sorry about? What’s the matter?” </p><p>Sniffling, Jon shakes his head. “Nothing.” </p><p>“Jon, look at me please.” </p><p>He’s stubborn, that’s for sure. She has to ask him several times to look at her before he finally does. She asks him again what’s wrong, and when he tells her a mixture of emotions play out in quick succession. There’s shock, sadness, and then a blind rage. </p><p>Apparently Catelyn told Jon that he couldn't be a knight before she broke his shield and sword. </p><p>“That’s not true,” she says, reeling in her anger as best as she can. “You can be a knight if you want to.” </p><p>“But knights aren’t real anymore. I’m just being stup-” </p><p>“Jon, you can be a knight if you want to. Hell-” She closes her mouth. Sighing, she says, “You can be a fire-breathing dragon if you want to. Don’t cry. I’ll make you a new sword and shield.” </p><p>Jon stares at his lap. “It’s okay. I don’t want to be a knight anymore…” </p><p>“What do you want to be then?” </p><p>“A big wolf,” he says with a hint of determination in his voice. “A big wolf that can just run and run all he wants.” </p><p>Lyanna laughs sadly. “Yeah, you can be that, too.” </p><p>She wishes they could both be wolves that can run free. </p><p>-o0o-</p><p>Lyanna sits with Jon for another hour, trying to cheer him up. He smiles here and there but she can tell that what Catelyn said to him is still on his mind. Which is to be expected. Raining on a child’s fun can seriously impact them. She may not be experienced with children but she remembers being a child. </p><p>She could never play with her brothers, she had to take etiquette classes and ballet despite how her instructors belittled her and made her feel stupid. It was foolish of her to wish to be a warrior like the brave Amazonians because she was a girl. She grew to hate the very concept of “girlie” and “ladylike” behavior. </p><p>Until she got older and understood how screwed up society is with their gender roles. Now, she allows herself to straddle the fence of what society deems feminine and masculine. She doesn’t stop herself from crying, she doesn’t ridicule herself for wishing for a simpler life. Spending all those years in Winterfell has taught her to be kinder to herself in that regard. </p><p>But she can’t deny that she’s feeling like a shitty mother these days. No, a shitty person. Perhaps this is her fault. She should’ve been responsible, she should’ve- </p><p>Lyanna pauses her pity-party. She can do that later. </p><p>Catelyn and Ned are in the den talking about whatever the hell. None of the children are around so this is the perfect opportunity for her to do what she’s been waiting to do ever since Jon told her about what Miss Tully said to him. </p><p>“Lyanna, there you are,” Ned says. </p><p>Ignoring him, Lyanna walks in front of where Catelyn is seated, putting her hands on her hip. “What gives you the fucking right to tell my son that he can’t be a knight?” she asks, fuming. “You broke the sword and shield I made for him as well!” </p><p>Catelyn has the gall to look surprised. “I would never break something that was given to him,” she says, standing abruptly. “What on earth are you talking about?” </p><p>“But you don’t deny telling him that he’ll never be a knight? You’ve got some nerve!” </p><p>“Lyanna!” Ned shouts. “Calm down.” </p><p>Catelyn throws her hands up in exasperation. “Well, do you know of any knights in this day and age?” she asks. </p><p>Lyanna steps in her face. Ned hurriedly gets in between them, keeping a strong hand on Lyanna, he looks at Catelyn. </p><p>“Cat, tell me you didn’t,” he says in disbelief. “Why would you say that?” </p><p>“Because she’s a mean bitch!” Lyanna shouts. “What’s wrong with him wanting to be a knight? He’s six! Kids can pretend all they want!” </p><p>Ned shoots Lyanna a glare. “Enough!” He turns to Catelyn again. “You had no business saying that to him, Cat. You know they’re just children. They like to play around. There’s no harm in it. Did you break his sword and shield?” </p><p>“I would never!” Catelyn says. “He must have done it himself. The boy has a temper!” </p><p>Lyanna wants to deny that but the reality of it is, she doesn’t even know if it’s true or not. She doesn’t know if Jon has a temper as she’s only known him for a few days. But something tells her Catelyn is lying. </p><p>“She’s lying, Ned!” </p><p>“Dammit, Lyanna, let me handle this!” </p><p>Catelyn touches her chest in mock shock. “Handle this? Oh, do tell me how you intend to handle this, Ned. Your sister is harassing me and has been downright rude to me since she came back as if she has the right to do so. I’ve been the one caring for her son!” </p><p>“Obviously you’ve been doing a shit job of it since he’s clearly unhappy in this house!” Lyanna wants to reach past Ned and slap fire out of Catelyn. She wants to do it so badly. Her hands are shaking. </p><p>“You’re projecting,” Catelyn says snidely. “Just because you couldn’t deal and you were unhappy here doesn’t mean that everyone is the same.” </p><p>What in the fuck does she mean by that? Lyanna asks her but Catelyn says nothing. She just gives a look that makes Lyanna want to kick her. Ned takes Lyanna by the arm and pulls her out of the room, out into the hallway. </p><p>“Lyanna,” Ned says in a tone that suggests he’s about to piss her off. “Lyanna, listen to me!” </p><p>No amount of preparation is enough for what’s next. Lyanna knows that. </p><p>“Catelyn has a point,” Ned says, and the moment he says it, Lyanna pulls her arm away from her brother and she closes her heart off to him, “perhaps you are just projecting. It’s no secret that you were never happy here. But Jon is a child. He’s loved and he and Robb are good friends. Do you think that maybe you’re creating problems?” </p><p>“She admitted that she told him that, Ned. What do you have to say about that?” </p><p>Ned sighs. “I’ll deal with my wife on my own.” </p><p>“You’re going to kiss her ass when no one’s around and tell her that your sister’s just being a cunt per usual. You’re not fooling anyone.” </p><p>“Well, maybe if you didn’t act this way!” he shouts. Ned rarely shouts but when he does it can fill anyone with fright. He hits the wall near her head. “Dammit, Lya! You just got back and you’re already getting started!” </p><p>Lyanna swallows the lump in her throat. “Am I supposed to be fine with her treating him like an outcast in his own home? He’s a Stark. More than she’ll ever be!” </p><p>“She is my wife and you will treat her with respect.” </p><p>“Like hell I will.” </p><p>Lyanna storms off, afraid that she'll punch her brother in the face if she stays. If Jon really does have a temper then it's obvious who he got it from.</p><p>Ned follows after her much to her surprise. Her brother used to find relief in a heated conversation meeting an abrupt end, he never went out of his way to continue them but it would seem that Ned has reached his limit. She wonders why it took so damn long, honestly. </p><p>She walks into the main parlor that’s bigger than the private parlor where their father goes to smoke a cigar and have a drink. There’s an easel in here that sits by the window. She intended to paint her anger away, but it doesn’t look like she’ll be able to do that. </p><p>“You will be married to Robert by next week,” Ned says through gritted teeth. “There will be no more of you evading your responsibilities and-” </p><p>Lyanna cuts in. She doesn’t need to hear the same shit her father has been telling her since she got here especially not from Ned. “You’ve always been jealous of me and Brandon, admit it. We never allowed this family to tie us down, we were free while you were always the dutiful son.” </p><p>“Free?” Ned laughs derisively. With the deep bags under his eyes and the gaunt lines of his face, he already looks like their father at his young age. “You two were reckless and look where you both are now. Brandon is chest-deep in child support fees, he can’t drive without breathing into a fucking machine, and father will keep a leash on Brandon until he croaks, and when father does croak, I’ll be holding Brandon's leash! Look at you-” </p><p>“Yes, look at me!” Lyanna shouts, getting in his face. “What was my crime?” </p><p>“Oh, Lyanna please.” </p><p>“No, tell me what I did that was so wrong to be treated this way by my own family!” </p><p>Ned doesn’t have an answer for that. She can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t believe the supposed crime fits the punishment. </p><p>Sighing heavily, Ned staggers over to the horsehair sofa and sits down. “This was meant to be Brandon’s life,” he says, so quietly that Lyanna almost misses it. </p><p>Lyanna loses some of her anger. “Do you hate me and Brandon?” she asks, genuinely curious. </p><p>“I could never hate my siblings.” A pause. “All of you annoy the hell out of me but I could never hate you.” </p><p>“Likewise.” </p><p>“I’ll talk to Cat. I don’t agree with her saying that to Jon. Robb wants to be something new every day seems like. It’s harmless for children to be that way, I think.” </p><p>Lyanna doesn’t think that was the first time Catelyn has ever said something like that to Jon. The way he acts around her says enough. She wants to press the issue with Ned, but after all this she knows that she can’t rely on her brother in this. Without actual proof, anytime she brings up the topic she’ll be gaslighted. </p><p>From now on, she’ll have to move carefully. She will get herself and Jon out of this place, though. Even if it kills her. </p><p>“I’ll apologize to Catelyn,” Lyanna says once some time has passed. They’ve been sitting in the parlor in silence up until now. “I don’t want there to be bad blood between us over a misunderstanding.” </p><p>Ned nods, smiling softly. “I suppose you have matured a little then.” </p><p>“Fuck off.” </p><p>Despite himself, Ned chuckles. </p><p>“Do you...do you still keep in touch with Ashara?” Lyanna asks. </p><p>“Ashara moved back to Dorne the same month you left for Winterfell,” Ned says sadly. </p><p>Benjen told her that Ned broke up with Ashara following his engagement to Catelyn and that shortly after he learned Ashara miscarried; he had no idea she was pregnant because she didn’t get the chance to tell him. Lyanna has always felt terrible for them both. She thinks that, and the fact that she does love her family is why she can never hate Ned or stay mad at him for too long. </p><p>But Ned’s response also didn’t answer her question. </p><p>She knows their family has business in Dorne. Ned could easily see Ashara while he’s there on business. But Ned isn’t Brandon, she has to remind herself. Which isn’t a bad thing at all. Even she thinks Brandon is a cunt when it comes to women. The world doesn’t need two Brandons. </p><p>Although there were rumors about Robert being nearly as bad as Brandon with a handful of illegitimate children to serve as proof. When she brought that up to Ned the other day, he told her that she isn’t the only one who made mistakes in her past. </p><p>Every time Lyanna feels an ounce of sadness for Ned she’s reminded of how much he’s like their father when it comes to certain things. How in the hell did Robert mistakenly get six women pregnant? Out of six of those women, Benjen tells her only one is financially supported. That doesn't sound like a mistake to her. </p><p>Much later, before it’s time for another, dull family dinner, Lyanna pulls Catelyn aside and apologizes for her earlier behavior. She’s not apologizing because she feels bad. She just wants an excuse to get the woman alone. </p><p>For dinner, Catelyn is wearing a sapphire gown with tiny crystals threaded into the sleeves and skirt. Her long, red hair is pinned up to show off her dangling earrings. As always her lips are painted a soft red, her nails are done with a French tip and she smells like an expensive perfume. </p><p>Lyanna won’t deny that the woman is well-kempt and beautiful. </p><p>“Think nothing of it,” Catelyn says following Lyanna's apology. “I understand that things like this can be easily misinterpreted especially by someone lacking in parental experience.” She smiles, showing her pearly white teeth. </p><p>Lyanna returns that smile. “You are truly a woman to admire, Catelyn. Not only have you stepped up and raised Jon as your own, but you’re the mother of two beautiful children. Sansa, especially, is an adorable little thing. I imagine she looks as you did as a child.” A pause. “As for Robb, he reminds me so much of Brandon.” </p><p>Catelyn’s smile slowly fades. </p><p>Continuing, Lyanna’s smile widens. “You and Brandon were seeing one another prior to your scheduled wedding if I remember correctly but then he had that terrible accident.” She wasn’t that swept up in her own affair that she missed this moment. “While Brandon was recovering you spent a lot of time with Ned then soon you two were arranged to be married…” </p><p>“What are you getting at?” Catelyn asks, sounding awfully defensive. “Everyone isn’t frivolous like you.” She chuckles. “You must be truly unhinged if you believe Robb is Brandon’s son.” </p><p>“I never said that.” </p><p>“You are implying it.” </p><p>“Am I?” She definitely is. “I just thought it strange how you hopped from one brother to the next when it was made evident that the second-youngest would inherit the Stark fortune.” </p><p>“You know as well as I that we have no say in who we marry. My father made the arrangement the same as your father has arranged for you to marry Robert Baratheon.” </p><p>Lyanna nods. “Yes, of course. As I’ve said, I’m not implying anything. We’re two women who should understand what it feels like to have our lives controlled by greedy men.” </p><p>“You make us sound like victims. I’ve always known, just as you, that I would have no choice in who I married. You fruitlessly tried to fight against that while I embraced it. We are not the same.” </p><p>“You’re right. We’re not.” </p><p>“Then are we done here?” Catelyn asks. “I would like to get to dinner.” </p><p>“We’re far from done but for tonight we are. Enjoy your dinner, Catelyn.” </p><p>Catelyn raises a fine, red eyebrow. “You won’t be joining us?” she asks, suspiciously. </p><p>Lyanna shakes her head. “No, I’ve lost my appetite. There’s the scent of something rank lingering about. Smells like rotten fish.” </p><p>“I see.” With a smile, Catelyn turns on her heel. “Well, since you won’t be attending dinner perhaps you’d like to catch up on the latest celebrity news in your spare time. I hear the King’s Page has a new fascinating story they’re covering…” </p><p>Moments later, Lyanna is in her bedroom using the search engine on her phone to look up the new article the King’s Page is featuring because she’s a glutton for punishment. When she sees the headline she laughs dryly. </p><p>That fucking bitch got her good. </p><p>According to the article, Rhaegar Targaryen is no longer the city’s most eligible bachelor. He’s engaged to be married to a Lyseni princess. The man she’s still in love with is going to be married. Not only does she not have custody of her son or even a right to claim him but she has lost Rhaegar as well. </p><p>Lyanna feels sick.</p><p>So sick that she rushes to the bathroom and vomits. Afterward, she stays on that cold floor for what feels like hours, swimming in her dark thoughts. For the past week, Lyanna has spent as much time as she could with Jon, knowing that her time with him was nearing an end. She doesn’t see herself being able to get out of her marriage to Robert and take Jon from her family in under a week. </p><p>Her best bet will be to make Robert happy in their marriage then somehow convince him to help her get custody of Jon. It’s a shot in the dark but Robert Baratheon is a powerful man with enough pull in the city to shake some tables. Being with him is not what she wants but it’s no longer about her. </p><hr/><p>When the day comes for her and Elia to go gown shopping, Lyanna is exhausted and less than thrilled despite finally leaving the estate without a mini-army following her. Her father only sends one guard who follows at a distance and remains silent. </p><p>Catelyn is with them as well because Ned thought it would be a good way for them to bond but she knows the woman is there to eavesdrop on her and Elia. </p><p>“Okay,” Elia says excitedly, “We’ve gathered all the gowns we think you’ll like, Lyanna.” She links her arm with Catelyn’s and hugs her like they’re the best of friends. “Now go try them on and model for us.” They walk over to the crisp white sofa and take a seat. </p><p>With a resigned sigh, Lyanna sits her glass of champagne down and stalks down the hall to where the dressing room is. One of the attendants is waiting for her. </p><p>She shows Lyanna the long rack of gown bags so that she has an idea of how many dresses they have set aside for her. There are at least twelve.</p><p>Lyanna tries on the first gown.</p><p>It’s a strapless sweetheart gown with a cut-out bodice, delicate off the shoulder straps, and vertical beading throughout. It’s a beautiful gown, she must admit, and the way it hugs her body has her feeling pretty damn good about herself. She pulls her hair up on top of her head to get an idea of how she’ll look on her wedding day. </p><p>The image doesn’t spark joy in her. </p><p>This isn’t the dress for her but she goes to show them anyway. Because she knows Elia wants a show, and it’s easy for her to pretend Catelyn isn’t there, Lyanna models down the small runway, giving her best impression of Lynesse Hightower, Westeros's former top model. She laughs at how ridiculous she probably looks. </p><p>“Stunning!” Elia says, always her biggest fan. “You look amazing in that dress.” </p><p>“Is it a wedding gown?” Catelyn asks. “It looks like something you’d wear at a nightclub…” </p><p>Granted, the dress is far from traditional and it does show a lot of leg, but modern wedding dresses tend to be that way from what she’s seen in the catalogs. But Lyanna and Elia agree with Catelyn oddly enough. Besides, Lyanna thinks this gown is far too sexy for the likes of Robert Baratheon. </p><p>Lyanna goes back to try on another gown. </p><p>The second gown has a similar design as the previous one except the skirt is made of a thicker tulle that doesn’t expose her legs aside from the high split on the right side. Still, the dress doesn’t make her feel anything. She models it anyway and gets a similar response. </p><p>“Are there any traditional gowns?” Catelyn asks, standing up. “Something more modest. Both of your families will be in attendance. I believe these first two dresses are better suited for a bachelorette party or perhaps the reception.” </p><p>Elia stands as well, taking Catelyn by the hand. “Don’t worry. I’ve made sure traditional dresses were added as well.” She urges Catelyn to sit back down with her. “If none of what I’ve picked worked out we can try a different boutique.” </p><p>Catelyn returns to the sofa. When offered a flute of champagne she reluctantly takes it. Yeah, the woman could definitely use a drink. </p><p>Returning to the dressing room, Lyanna asks the attendant for the most traditional gown out of the selection Elia chose. </p><p>At this point, she doesn’t really care. The reason why she has yet to feel anything when she puts any of the gowns on is that she doesn’t feel anything for the man she’s supposed to be marrying. Why does it matter what gown she wears when she won’t be happy either way? </p><p>The new gown is simple enough for Lyanna to get into it without the assistance of the attendant. She only requires the woman to zip the gown up for her. It’s very beautiful despite its simplicity. It’s a sheath wedding gown with a crepe skirt that has a medium tail, and a sheer crochet lace v neck top. The attendant offers Lyanna a veil to give her the full look. </p><p>Once the veil is on, Lyanna’s eyes sting. She thinks about how Rhaegar will also be married. Does he love the Lyseni princess or is this a business arrangement? </p><p>Lyanna leaves the dressing room. She can already tell from how both Elia and Catelyn end their conversation abruptly that the dress is a winner. She doesn’t strut down the runway with her previous flair. Instead, she walks how she imagines she’ll walk down the aisle. </p><p>“Beautiful,” Elia says in a dreamy way. “You look stunning, Lyanna.” </p><p>Even Catelyn has to agree. She nods stiffly. “Yes, this gown is what I had in mind.” A pause. “It even compliments your frame.” </p><p>Lyanna swallows hard. “So, can we end this now? I like the gown, you both like the gown. I don’t see a point in trying on more.” </p><p>“One more,” Elia says. “You never know. You may love another gown more than this one.” </p><p>“Yes, another can’t hurt,” Catelyn says. </p><p>Lyanna wonders if the veil can hide her eye roll. </p><p>Reluctantly, Lyanna walks down the hall to ask the attendant for another dress. But she’s surprised to find the woman no longer in her usual spot. Perhaps she was needed elsewhere. Lyanna can sort through the dresses on her own, she thinks. First, she wants to have one last look at herself in this gown. </p><p>Opening the door to her dressing room, she jumps at the sight of a tall man standing inside it with his arms crossed. When he looks up at her, his indigo eyes widen. </p><p>Lyanna’s heart stops. She stands in the doorway, mouth agape, eyes wide and unblinking. That was why Elia insisted on gathering all the dresses herself. That was why she was adamant about keeping Catelyn from coming back here. Elia arranged this meeting. </p><p>Lyanna's knees buckle and she staggers forward. Rhaegar steps up quickly and she stumbles into his arms. She stares at his broad chest, the scent of his cologne filling her nostrils. His body heat, his scent, and his touch make her dizzy. </p><p>It’s been six years, but it feels as though it's been centuries since she’s felt his touch. </p><p>Lyanna barely registers him reaching behind her to close the door softly. She starts to hyperventilate, her throat burning and aching as she tries to breathe properly. Her palms begin to sweat and she feels like disappearing despite how badly she wants to see him. </p><p>“Lyanna?” he says quietly. </p><p>She’s even missed the way he says her name. </p><p>Eyes watering, she looks up at him. She can’t see him that well because of the tears clouding her eyes and the veil blocking her view. Rhaegar lifts the veil for her, and she catches a glimpse of what she imagines their wedding day would be like if the gods weren’t cruel. </p><p>“Breathe, Lyanna,” he says softly, smoothing the veil down and brushing her hair away from her face. </p><p>Lyanna sucks in a harsh breath. She forgot she was supposed to be breathing. She closes her eyes tightly and tries to calm down. It takes some time but the gentle hand on her shoulder and Rhaegar’s counting helps a great deal. </p><p>How many times did she use to help him through panic attacks? </p><p>After every fight with his father, Rhaegar sought her out. She’d never seen him so angry and only saw that anger during those moments. Sometimes the anger would get the best of him and swallow him up, but she always helped him out of that dark pit. </p><p>Now he was helping her. With the breathing technique, she taught him, too. </p><p>“I apologize for startling you,” he says once she calms down. “I was against waiting in here but Elia told me that you’re being watched…” </p><p>Lyanna nods. “I…” She clears her throat. “My father has a guard here and Ned’s wife isn’t exactly my BFF.” </p><p>Rhaegar stares at her face, looking at her as though he were trying to memorize every minor detail. “I see.” He takes a step back from her and his warmth is immediately lost. “I hear you are to be wed to Robert Baratheon.” </p><p>“I hear you are to be wed to a Lyseni princess.” </p><p>“It would appear congratulations are in order for us both then.” </p><p>“You can keep it,” she says. “There’s nothing to celebrate on my end but congratulations to you and your future wife.” </p><p>Rhaegar won’t take his eyes off her face. “Why did you leave me?” he asks. “King’s Landing.” He corrects himself. “Why did you leave King’s Landing?” </p><p>Lyanna can hear the pain in his voice. The first question was the right one. He wants to know why she left him. She wants to vomit. This is too much, it’s too sudden. Then again, he’s waited long enough for an explanation and he deserves to know the truth. </p><p>“My family found out about us,” she says. “My father believed I was ruining my life so he sent me to live in Winterfell where they tried to reform me or whatever.” </p><p>“They found out about us,” Rhaegar says, weighing each word carefully. “Your father decided that I was such an unfit boyfriend for you that he moved you to Winterfell for six years. That seems a bit over the top even for a man like Rickard Stark.” </p><p>Who is this man? The Rhaegar she knew was soft-spoken, a little too sensitive, and not as authoritative. This is a man, she thinks. Not a teenager or a son too afraid to fully rebel against an overbearing father. This is the man of the house, the head of the Targaryen family that she’s speaking to. Lyanna honestly likes that he’s grown out of his shell. </p><p>Rhaegar stuffs his hands in his pockets, taking a deep breath. “Were you pregnant?” he asks. “Is that why they sent you away? To avoid a scandal.” </p><p>Lyanna closes her eyes and keeps them closed. He’s always been perceptive and too damn smart for his own good. She should’ve known better. “Yes,” she says, her voice small and shaky. “Only Elia knew but I...they made me tell her that I miscarried…” </p><p>“Is Jon our son?” </p><p>Her eyes flash open. “How do you…” She trails off when she sees the tears in Rhaegar's eyes. </p><p>“I saw him,” he says, smiling sadly. “At the doctor’s office. I thought he looked an awful lot like you... and me. It makes sense that Ned would be the one to raise him.” </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she blurts out. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I’m sorry for lea-” </p><p>Rhaegar hugs her and she starts sobbing in his arms. “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t leave me willingly. You didn’t keep this from me out of spite.” He rests his chin on the top of her head. “I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that alone.” </p><p>Lyanna clutches the back of his blazer, afraid of letting him go. “I can’t do this, Rhaegar. I can’t marry Robert. I can’t pretend to be what they want me to be. I just want to raise our son. I want us to go somewhere where we both can be happy.” </p><p>“I understand. Can you tell me about Jon?” </p><p>“I barely know him.” She admits, and it breaks her heart. “I only met him a week ago. He thinks I’m his aunt. They want it to stay that way.” </p><p>“What do you want?” </p><p>“I think you’re one of the only people to ever ask me that and care about the answer.” Lyanna knows they don’t have long in here so she gets right to it. “I want to raise our son. I don’t want him to have anything to do with my fucked up family. I want him to be happy and flourish in a healthy environment.” She wants Rhaegar too but this isn’t about her. “Can you help me, Rhaegar?” </p><p>Rhaegar nods. “Of course, Lyanna. When are you supposed to marry Robert Baratheon?” </p><p>“Next Sunday.” </p><p>“That gives me plenty of time.” He ends the embrace. “Please leave the rest to me.” </p><p>Lyanna has so many questions. </p><p>She wants to know what he’s going to do and how he intends to achieve this goal. She trusts Rhaegar. Probably far too much considering they’re both different people now, but she trusts him. He understands how her family operates because his family used to operate in a similar way. She doesn’t need to stress to him how careful he has to be because he knows already. </p><p>There is a question about what he wants out of all this as well. Does he want to be in their son’s life? Or does he just want to help them get set up somewhere out of sight? Even if that was what he wanted, Lyanna would take it. So long as she and Jon can be free, she can live without Rhaegar. </p><p>Rhaegar goes to the door. “Your beauty hasn’t faded one bit, Lyanna. The gown suits you well.” He doesn’t look back at her before he steps out of the dressing room. </p><hr/><p>After the unexpected encounter with Rhaegar, some of Lyanna’s worries are put to rest. She’s put her faith in Rhaegar and until he makes his move the best thing for her to do is simply wait. She also makes an effort not to stir up any more trouble. </p><p>When her father makes a sly remark or when Catelyn cuts her eyes at her, Lyanna disregards them. The last laugh will be hers, she doesn’t mind allowing them these small slights. Perhaps her faith in Rhaegar is far too strong and it’ll all blow up in her face. No, she can’t be negative about all this. Her optimism isn’t just for herself but Jon as well. </p><p>Lyanna gets a lot of time with Jon, Robb, and Sansa leading up to Brandon’s release from rehab. With everyone running around to prepare, she’s in charge of looking after the little ones while they play. </p><p>The boys are too rowdy so she plays with Sansa alone. </p><p>Her niece is adorable with the bluest eyes she’s ever seen, gorgeous red hair, and the chubbiest cheeks. She’s always smiling and giggling, and sometimes crying far too much. But all in all, Lyanna is quite fond of Sansa, Robb as well. </p><p>Whenever she thinks about taking Jon away, the thought is always accompanied by an image of Jon and Robb trying to cling to one another. She doesn’t want to tear them apart but she also doesn’t want Jon anywhere near this place. </p><p>Because children playing all day is considered a great evil in this household, playtime ends after half an hour. Lyanna carries Sansa in her arms while Robb and Jon follow behind her to the dining room for their lunch. During the walk to the playroom, both boys were chatting excitedly about superheroes but once they entered the dining room Jon immediately stopped talking. </p><p>Lyanna initially assumes it’s because the children aren’t allowed to talk during family dinners and that perhaps he was just quiet for that reason but then she notices the woman who’s placing their meals on the table. </p><p>The woman is one of the servants who is always following Catelyn around the place like a secret service agent. She smiles when she sees them. It’s a tight-lipped smile that makes Lyanna raise a brow. </p><p>“Hi,” Lyanna says, cordial despite that, “I was told that they have assigned seats for lunchtime. Is that right?”</p><p>Normally when they have their lunches she’s meeting with Robert but he didn’t call on her today; thank the old gods and the new for that. But she remembers Catelyn mentioning something like that to this same servant a few days ago. </p><p>The servant’s fake smile falters. “Ah, yes, they do.” She gestures to seats. “This is Robb’s and this is Jon’s. Sansa usually sits in Lady Catelyn’s lap and is fed though there is a high chair available.” </p><p>“No, that’s fine I can hold her. Thanks.” Lyanna glances at Jon and Robb. “Okay, boys. Lunchtime. Take a seat.” </p><p>Robb runs over to his chair and jumps into the seat. Jon slowly approaches the table and sits down quietly. Lyanna sits down with Sansa at the head of the table while the servant goes to grab her lunch. She pets Sansa’s fine hair and smiles when the girl starts giggling. She wishes she could’ve seen Jon when he was this small. </p><p>Looking over at the boys, she notices Robb glancing around suspiciously before taking a handful of french fries from his plate and putting them on Jon’s. Right before they’re placed on the plate, Lyanna notices how much smaller Jon’s proportion was in comparison to Robb’s. She doesn’t want to go around counting chicken nuggets on plates but the difference is worth a mention. </p><p>Jon doesn’t touch the fries Robb gave him. In fact, it looks as if he has no intention of acknowledging the kind gesture. But Robb nudges Jon with his elbow. </p><p>“My mom isn’t here so it’s fine,” he says in what he thinks is a whisper. </p><p>“What are you doing Robb?” Lyanna asks. </p><p>Robb and Jon jump a little as though they were caught doing something bad. Lyanna feels sick to her stomach. </p><p>Before Robb can answer, the servant returns with Sansa’s meal. </p><p>“On second thought,” Lyanna says to the woman, “I think I will need a high chair.” </p><p>The high chair is retrieved. Lyanna puts Sansa in and starts feeding her the apple sauce. The servant tries to slip away but Lyanna doesn’t allow her. </p><p>“How long has this been happening?” Lyanna asks, still feeding Sansa. “How long have you been giving him less?” She doesn’t drop names or specifics because she knows the woman knows what she’s talking about. </p><p>“Pardon me? I don’t think I understan-” </p><p>Lyanna sighs. “You think I won’t ring your head like a bell because they’re around?” She glances over her shoulder at the woman, her eyes piercing. “Haven’t you heard? I’m unwell.” </p><p>The servant swallows hard. She doesn’t appear to be a day over twenty-five. She’s younger than the others around the house and is a new face. Lyanna wonders if she was brought here when Catelyn moved in. </p><p>“Do you like working here?” Lyanna asks. </p><p>“I need this job,” the servant says, dropping her head. </p><p>Lyanna turns back to Sansa. She wipes sauce from the girl’s face. The servant, who is too afraid to budge, sticks around until after lunchtime. She even helps Lyanna put the kids down for their nap. Once they’re sound asleep, Lyanna makes the servant tell her everything. </p><p>“Leave anything out and I promise you,” Lyanna says, getting in the woman’s face, “I will make sure you never work anywhere ever again.” </p><p>She’s sure the woman simply did what she was told in order to keep her job and the fact that she’s willing to tell on herself as well as Catelyn shows that there is remorse for their deeds but fuck that. No matter how light the neglect and abuse, no one should be fine with standing by while a child is being harmed. </p><p>The servant tells her everything, so many fucked up things that explain why Jon acts the way that he does around Catelyn and some of the servants. All of Lyanna’s suspicions are confirmed and she hates it. She wanted to be wrong so badly because that’s better than her son being abused. </p><p>Not physically from what she’s been told but emotional abuse is just as bad. Emotional scars never heal, she can attest to that. He’s also been neglected when Ned and her father aren’t around. But the fact that neither of them has noticed how Jon acts is neglect in and of itself. </p><p>“Why?” Lyanna asks once the woman is done. Her hands are shaking and it’s taking every bit of her restraint not to knock the woman’s teeth down her throat. “What did Jon ever do to either of you?” </p><p>“I only did as Lady Catelyn asked,” the woman says, crying. “She doesn’t appear to like that she has to look after another woman’s child or that Jon is publicly recognized as an heir to the Stark estate. She worries it puts Robb at risk.” </p><p>“She’s been a cunt toward my son because she’s worried about the line of succession?” Lyanna shoves the woman against the nearest wall, placing her arm on her throat. “Mention this conversation to Catelyn and I’ll make sure you never leave this estate alive.” At this stage in her life, it isn’t an empty threat. She’s prepared to kill for Jon at this point. “But you might want to start looking for a new job.” </p><p>The servant nods frantically. </p><p>Lyanna walks away before she can do something she’ll regret.</p><p>All of her anger is going to be saved for one bitch. That same night, her family has a big dinner for Brandon to celebrate him being sober for six months. Her father makes a joke about how he hopes this will be the last time they celebrate the same accomplishment yet again, and while everyone laughs, minus her, she can tell that the comment rubs Brandon the wrong way. </p><p>It's no secret that this was his second time in rehab for this long, but the fact that he's been trying to do better should be recognized. </p><p>What her father fails to realize is that their mother’s suicide did a number on all of them. Even he has yet to recover though he may pretend otherwise. All of them saw her body in that tub, and while they were all rooted in place, Brandon rushed in and pulled her out. He tried to hold her wrists even though it was too late. </p><p>Ever since that night, her brother started to drink heavily and his promiscuity tripled. He seemed to do everything in excess in order to drown out his sorrow and his guilt. He’s far from innocent and has made his fair share of mistakes but his trauma is worth acknowledging. </p><p>Instead of putting them all into counseling, Rickard hardened his heart and became distant. He thinks just because they’re all alive that they survived their mother's suicide. He’s wrong, and he doesn’t notice that his actions are further pushing them all away. </p><p>But it’s too late for reconciliation. </p><p>After what the servant has told her, Lyanna has finally reached her breaking point. </p><p>At the dining table, she’s seated in the middle of Brandon and Benjen. Directly across from them, Ned and Catelyn are seated. Their father resides at the head of the table as always. </p><p>The children were with them earlier but since the dinner began so late, one of the servants took them to bed. Before they left, Lyanna kept watching Brandon as he stole glances at Robb. It makes her wonder if her brother saw what she sees, what Ned pretends not to see.</p><p>“We’ll be having a wedding soon,” their father says to Brandon. “Lyanna has agreed to finally throw Robert a bone.” He laughs. </p><p>Lyanna sucks her teeth. “I never got the choice to agree to anything,” she says. “Yet again you’re making my decisions for me.” </p><p>Ned sighs. “Here we go…” </p><p>“Yes, here we fucking go,” Lyanna says, happy that they can get right into it. “Brandon, since you just got here how about I fill you in on what’s been up.” </p><p>Rickard slams his glass on the table. “There will be none of that. I’ve warned you to behave, Lyanna.” </p><p>Across the table, she can hear Catelyn whispering to Ned. Ignoring her father, she turns her eyes on the woman. She knows how her father operates. </p><p>The longer she keeps going he’s going to order guards to come in and drag her to her bedroom. He’ll make sure the door is locked and he probably won’t let her out until tomorrow afternoon. But Lyanna has no intention of staying in this house another night. Once she says what she needs to, she and Jon are leaving. And if she has to draw blood, so be it. </p><p>“I’m tired of behaving.” Lyanna smiles, picking up her steak knife and aiming it at Catelyn. “I’m also tired of this bitch strutting around this place, acting holier than thou when she’s been abusing my son!” </p><p>Silence falls on the table.</p><p>For once, Rickard is at a loss for words. He blinks, looks from Catelyn to Lyanna to Ned to Brandan to Lyanna again.</p><p>Rickard laughs. “Don’t be ridiculous, Lya-” </p><p>Lyanna stands up abruptly, her chair falling back. “Why is Jon given smaller portions than Robb during lunch? During dinner Robb barely finishes his food but Jon is always wanting seconds.” She thinks of all the things she noticed up until this point and wonders how no one else did. “Jon can’t be a sailor, a knight, or an astronaut but Robb can. Why did you tell Jon that his mother didn’t love him? That she abandoned him? Why do you make him feel guilty for living in HIS family’s home?” </p><p>She goes on and on, listing one vile act after another until her throat hurts. Each reveal is more startling than the last, keeping everyone else stunned and silent. </p><p>The fact that Catelyn can’t deny any of it just confirms it for everyone. Ned, Brandon, and Benjen look at her in disbelief while Rickard is glaring at Lyanna. Of course, the abuse of his grandson isn’t as important as his daughter causing a scene at a family dinner. To her father, Jon is nothing more than another pawn. They’re all just pawns to him. </p><p>“Why does my son flinch when you touch him?” Lyanna asks. She storms around the table to where Catelyn is. When the woman stands, Lyanna backhands her with her free hand. She hits her so hard her own hand stings. “You fucking bitch!” </p><p>Lyanna tackles Catelyn to the marble floor before anyone can intervene. She switches the knife to her left hand, using her right to punch Catelyn in the face repeatedly and pull at her hair. She yanks out a fistful of auburn hair before someone pulls her up. She slashes the knife blindly. Blood is drawn, she can feel the warmth spilling down her hand. </p><p>From the sound of the grunt, it was Ned who tried to stop her. He ends up dropping her, allowing her to continue beating the spit out of Catelyn. The woman tries to cover her bleeding and bruised face but Lyanna bites her hand. Once the hand drops she punches Catelyn in the face again. </p><p>Everyone is screaming at her to stop but she keeps going. The only reason why she doesn’t stab Catelyn because despite how furious she is, she doesn’t want to go to prison for someone like Catelyn fucking Tully. </p><p>Eventually, Brandon manages to break up the one-sided fight. He wraps his arm around Lyanna’s waist and lifts her in the air. She doesn’t swipe her knife at him because she’s fucking winded. Benjen rushes over to them, standing by their side. </p><p>Their house seems to be divided. Her father and Ned are standing in front of Catelyn as she cries and bleeds on the floor. Ned clutches his bleeding arm and stares at Lyanna in disbelief.  </p><p>Lyanna laughs humorlessly. “You deserve that, Ned,” she says. “Either you truly didn’t notice what was going on or you pretended not to see, either way, it’s fuck you too because that shouldn’t have happened under this roof! Father is a piece of shit but not you Ned! I trusted you to protect my boy!” She’s sobbing now because it hurts so much to think about. </p><p>“Lya,” Ned says, broken beyond belief, “I...I’m sorry…” </p><p>Brandon puts her down, and when her father storms up to her with rage in his eyes her older brother stands in between them. </p><p>“I’ve had enough of this!” Rickard shouts. “You will never see that boy again! You will never be allowed in this home again! You will marry Robert then you will be his problem!” </p><p>“I’m not marrying Robert,” Lyanna stays, stepping around Brandon. “I’m taking my son and we’re leaving.” </p><p>Rickard laughs a cruel and dark laugh. The father she used to cry for after a nightmare, the father who used to carry her on his shoulders during festivals died a long time ago. “I know you’re unwell, darling, but you can’t possibly think that you have a choice in the matter," he says. "This little stunt you pulled has only dug you a deeper hole!”</p><p>Lyanna raises the knife. Her father’s eyes widen and she takes that as a minor victory. He’s afraid of her, afraid of what she’ll do. Wolves are the most deadly when they feel cornered, after all. </p><p>“Lya,” Ned says cautiously. He knows her better than to think she’s bluffing. “Think about Jon…” </p><p>“Since I’ve been back he’s all I’ve thought about,” she says. “I think about him more than you, obviously!” </p><p>On the floor, Catelyn screams. “This wasn’t supposed to happen...none of this… I was supposed to marry Brandon...I…” </p><p>Brandon snorts. “Looks like I dodged a bullet…” </p><p>Continuing, Catelyn sits up, still covering her bloody face. Her auburn hair is a messy bird’s nest on top of her head and the top of her dress is torn. “Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to attend brunches and galas when the whole city thinks your husband was unfaithful? Most bastards live outside of the estate and they’re not considered for inheritance and yet-” </p><p>“Enough, Cat,” Ned shouts, his voice loud and scarier than Lyanna has ever heard. “You’ve said enough. You’ve done more than enough! I don’t want to hear another word out of you!” </p><p>Catelyn sobs like a child who can’t have their way. </p><p>Their father sighs as though he were bored. He glances at the knife in Lyanna’s hand. “Put the knife down, Lyanna. Stop being so damn dramatic.” </p><p>“Fuck you!” Lyanna spits on the marble in front of his feet. </p><p>Then she turns to leave the dining room, to go to where Jon is sleeping. All she has to do is grab him, the overnight bag full of his clothes she hid under his bed, and use the side garden door to take the route she used to take whenever she snuck out. Elia is already waiting for her beyond the estate’s grounds. She had to use Benjen’s phone while he was wrapped up in his homework to coordinate this plan. </p><p>Unfortunately, Lyanna never reaches the hallway. Three of her father’s guards block her path. Lyanna thinks about cutting her way through them, but then Brandon comes to her aid. </p><p>“Just leave, Lya,” Brandon says, taking her by the arm. “You and Benjen get away from here. You can’t take Jon with you because legally he’s not your son.” </p><p>Lyanna knows that but she can’t leave him here. Before she can voice this, Brandon and Benjen are running toward the front door, dragging her along. Her father yells for them to stop but they don't. Brandon flings the door open, pushing Lyanna outside. She forgot how strong he is. </p><p>“Don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to Jon,” Brandon says with a reassuring smile. “Rhaegar’s got enough pull to take our father to court. Go to him!” Over his shoulder, Lyanna can see their father and the guards approaching. </p><p>“Come with us, Brandon," she says. </p><p>Brandon shakes his head. “Time for me to be a good big brother,” he says. He goes back into the house and slams the door behind him. </p><p>Benjen takes Lyanna by the hand and they run to his car. Surprisingly, no one follows them. Lyanna is so shaken up that she almost forgets to have Benjen go to where Elia is waiting. They go there and when Elia sees that Jon isn't with them she knows that the plan was ruined. </p><p>After tearfully telling Eliaeverything that happened, there’s nothing left to do but go to Rhaegar. Thankfully, Arthur was already on stand-by because Elia informed him of their plan. </p><p>-o0o-</p><p>They follow Arthur to Rhaegar’s place in the city. Lyanna is too worried about Jon to even consider how anxious she is to see Rhaegar again. </p><p>Once they step off the elevator, Rhaegar turns the corner and comes into view. He’s wearing black pajamas and a black robe, his eyes look tired, and his hair is tousled. He looks as if he just woke up. </p><p>Lyanna expects some form of awkward pleasantries but Rhaegar just walks up to her and pulls her into his arms. She breaks down before she knows it, her tears pouring out of her endlessly. She told herself that she would only show her tears to Elia and Benjen, that when she saw Rhaegar she would be akin to steel and yet…</p><p>“Come, Benjen,” Elia says. “She’s fine for now. I have a place close by and a guest room you can sleep in.” </p><p>Lyanna doesn’t hear them all leave but she assumes they’re gone because Rhaegar walks her over to the large den area and they sit on the soft sofa. This isn’t the same penthouse where they used to spend a lot of their time getting high and having sex every chance they got but the nostalgia is still there. </p><p>“Is Jon in immediate danger?” Rhaegar asks after she’s stopped sobbing. </p><p>Lyanna shakes her head. “No. Brandon won’t let anything happen to him.” She knows deep down inside that Ned won’t either but she’s still angry with him. “But I don’t want him there for another day.” </p><p>Rhaegar absently pets her hair. “Custody battles are tricky. Even trickier is how Jon may take the news of us being his parents but I’m prepared to do whatever is necessary to ensure this transition is easy for you both.” </p><p>Lyanna thanks him. </p><p>“He’s our son, of course. I will always protect you and him." </p><p>“Even though I left you?” </p><p>“It’s in the past, Lyanna, and you didn’t leave on your own free will.” </p><p>“Do you love her? Do you love the Lyseni princess?” Wiping her eyes, Lyanna looks up at him. She can only imagine how terrible she looks from all the crying, fighting, and hair tugging she was doing during the journey here. </p><p>Rhaegar smooths Lyanna’s hair away from her face. “I hardly know her, and I don’t love easily, you know that,” he says softly. “When I do fall in love, I tend to stay that way. Rather it is six years or sixty, regardless of if they left without a word or a trace. That love doesn’t fade away.” </p><p>“I don’t want to marry Robert Baratheon.” </p><p>“Have you ever?” </p><p>Lyanna chuckles despite herself. “I want...what I want doesn’t matter. I hate to be this way but as the mother of your child, I’m entitled to financial support from you. Just find a nice place to hide us from your wife and take care of his schooling fees and I’ll do the rest.” </p><p>Rhaegar cups her face. “I have an alternative if you’re open to hearing it.” He stares at her as though he can’t believe she’s actually here right now. He stares at her as though he still wants her even after all this time. </p><p>“I suppose.” </p><p>“We’ve been given a second chance. We should seize it and raise our son together.” </p><p>Lyanna blinks away a tear. That’s exactly what she wants but she didn’t think she deserved to ask that of him. </p><p>“I like that option better,” she says. </p><hr/><p>Obtaining custody of Jon isn’t an easy affair. It also doesn't happen overnight. </p><p>Rhaegar and Ned sit down together for hours drawing up an agreement that suits both families. A majority of the agreement is centered around Jon’s well-being while the rest of it consists of minor business technicalities. Most importantly, they agree to allow Jon and Robb to visit with one another often in order to maintain their relationship. </p><p>Ned is very apologetic and agreeable. Lyanna and her brother talk together for hours about everything. Nothing is held back. Harsh words and crude remarks are shared. But also tears, apologies, and new promises. </p><p>She won’t be marrying Robert Baratheon. All of the benefits her family wanted from that arrangement will be given to them by their new business alliance with the Targaryen family without the pressure of marriage. She and Rhaegar aren’t quite there yet. </p><p>Seeing how her family was torn apart, Lyanna suggests that once all of the paperwork is handled that she, Rhaegar, and Jon go to family therapy. They all need to adjust to this change, and the adults need to sort out whatever lingering issues they have. There’s also the case of Jon’s abuse. Lyanna is afraid to know how deep it went but she wants Jon to heal properly. </p><p>Three weeks after the family dinner from hell, Lyanna and Rhaegar, along with a lawyer and a child services representative, stand outside of the Targaryen estate as the car transporting Ned, Benjen, Jon, and Robb rolls into the driveway. </p><p>Lyanna has been staying at the estate for a week now. She’d never met Rhaegar’s parents so the first few days were awkward but they’ve warmed up to her. Rhaella at least. Aerys seems to be the harder of the two to get closer to but that’s fine. She also spent a great deal of time with Daenerys. The little girl is a handful, is spoiled rotten by everyone in her family, and has the most blinding smile. She’s very endearing. Lyanna hopes she and Jon will get along. </p><p>“Nervous?” Rhaegar whispers in her ear. </p><p>Lyanna glances over at his hands, noticing the slight tremble. “I see we both are.” She takes his left hand, holding it. “He’s a bright boy. If he sees your hands shaking he’s going to be wary of you.” </p><p>Rhaegar stills his hand. Lyanna tries not to laugh. He’s been nervous about this for weeks. Well, this will be his first time actually meeting Jon. </p><p>The initial meeting with all of them is odd. </p><p>Jon and Robb stand quietly at Ned’s side while the lawyers exchange empty pleasantries. Then they move inside to the parlor. Rhaegar’s parents and siblings are home but they’re waiting until after Rhaegar and Lyanna have a word with Jon before introducing themselves. </p><p>Lyanna can tell how confused Jon is so she asks if she can speak with him alone before she and Rhaegar speak with him since, out of the two, she’s spent the most time with him. No one objects. She takes Jon outside to the gazebo that favors the one at the Stark estate to give him some familiarity. </p><p>“I know you’re probably wondering what all of this is about,” Lyanna says to Jon, taking him by the hand and leading him down the row of rose bushes. Ned has told Jon the gist of things but she wants to know if Jon understands. “What do you think is happening?” she asks. </p><p>Jon glances up at her then back down at the ground. “Me and Robb can’t live together anymore,” he says quietly. </p><p>Lyanna swallows hard. “That’s true but Robb can visit as much as he likes.” She looks at him, seeing that his head is still down. “How do you feel about that Jon?” She stops walking and kneels down in front of him. “You can tell me.” </p><p>“I don’t want to leave Robb...but…” Jon looks at her. “Why can’t Robb live here with me and you?” he asks. “I was sad when you weren’t there anymore.” His eyes begin to water. “And now Robb won’t be here.” </p><p>Lyanna told herself she wouldn’t cry, that she would contain all of her sadness so that Jon wouldn’t feel compelled to prioritize his feelings for her; something she often did as a child for her parents. But hearing the pain in his voice breaks her. She wonders if perhaps this isn’t the best idea after all. </p><p>She can feel herself panicking. They haven’t sat through therapy yet. She doesn’t know how to respond. Perhaps she’s not built for-</p><p>No, she dismisses the thought. She can’t break under pressure, she can’t run off from her problems. She has a son now. She has to be his strength. </p><p>Lyanna smiles at Jon. “It’ll be okay,” she says. She promises. “Robb is still your family, he’s still your friend and even though you may not see him all the time, that won’t change. Sometimes knights have to face scary challenges but they face them anyway. Do you know why?” </p><p>Jon wipes his eyes. “Because knights are brave?” </p><p>“Yes. They’re brave and good. Knights can be happy too and I’m going to do everything that I can to make sure you’re happy and unafraid here.” </p><p>“Are you my mommy?” </p><p>The question knocks the wind out of Lyanna. </p><p>She wasn’t expecting him to be so forward. The tears fall before she can stop them. A part of her feels ashamed. She feels as if she owes him an explanation for her absence, that she has to apologize a million times for not always being there when he needed her. But the look in Jon’s eyes tells her that he doesn’t care to know all that. He simply wants an answer to his question. </p><p>Lyanna nods, tears streaming down her face. “Yeah...yeah, I’m your mommy…” She wants to hug him but she stops herself. “Is that okay with you?” </p><p>Jon considers her for a moment, and her heart drops. Then he nods his head quickly and hugs her. She almost falls back from the unexpected move. Jon continues to take her by surprise. Smiling, she returns his hug and holds him close. </p><p>“Do you want to meet your father?” she asks. “Your real father?” </p><p>“Is he the man with the funny hair and eyes?” </p><p>Lyanna laughs. “Yeah, that’s him.” She pats his head. “We can stay out here a bit longer if you’re not ready.” </p><p>Jon wiggles out of her arms. He looks at her with a determined look on his face. <br/>“Knights are brave,” he says, drying his eyes. “We can go back now.” </p><p>They go back. </p><p>Everyone is waiting for them in the parlor still. Their small talk dies down when they walk in. Lyanna takes Jon to where Rhaegar is standing. She steps back and watches their interaction. Rhaegar is careful, bashful. He kneels down in front of Jon and introduces himself. </p><p>Jon eyes him curiously, mainly his hair. He doesn’t hug Rhaegar but he does allow Rhaegar to hold his hand and lead him out of the parlor to where his family is waiting. Robb tags along as well, holding Jon’s other hand. </p><p>Before Rhaella, Aerys, and Viserys can even introduce themselves, Daenerys points at Jon and Robb and gasps loudly. </p><p>“What are they doing here?” she asks. </p><p>Rhaella touches Daenerys’s arm gently. “They’re your family, Daenerys.” </p><p>Daenerys scrunches her face. “Ewwww,” she says looking at Jon mainly. </p><p>“Eww right back!” Jon says, sticking out his tongue. </p><p>Lyanna has never seen him act this way with anyone besides Robb. It makes her laugh. Rhaegar laughs as well. Then everyone else laughs along with them, dispelling the tension in the air. </p><p>She looks over at Rhaegar to find him looking at her. They share a smile. </p><p>Everything will be okay.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>fin.</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>another self-indulgent short story even tho I've yet to complete the other one. BUT an update for "if I look back" will be served soon-ish for anyone interested. anyway, thanks for reading this.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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